RE: kol isha

[Reyzl Kalifowicz-Waletzky <reyzl...>]

Margot,

I don't know about the slightly more liberal Lubavitch case, where one 
woman in a band was acceptable, but Hasidim don't want _star_ women 
instrumentalists like you Margot to perform.  I would bet any money in the 
world that it wasn't that they didn't like your demo or your playing. 
 There are all kinds of Orthodox communities and one can not always group 
them together on every issue, but almost all Hasidim will not hire a woman, 
because they don't want the girls/women in their community to see bad 
models of womanhood.  And you is a bad model of womanhood, Margot :).  They 
don't want the girls to see Jewish women who are not home- and 
children-centered, working in the evening instead of tending to their 
families, pursuing artistic careers, and, most especially, _enjoying_ those 
attention-filled solos that a wonderful clarinetist like you gets.  I am 
sorry Margot, but your wonderful playing makes you stand out :).  Standing 
out could easily make a woman immodest.  Modesty is an issue, because where 
would the band with a woman be placed, in the women's or the men's section? 
 A woman, and especially a woman star instrumentalist, will also get the 
men looking and fantasizing about her.  Tse, tse, tse.  AND, the fact that 
you are single is especially bad, Margot.  They don't want the girls to see 
any such behavior rewarded in any kind of way.  Seriously, this is the 
community's social control and there is nothing personal about it.  Your 
being an excellent musician IS the problem.  If a woman instrumentalist is 
just adequate and can quietly blend in with the men, without standing out 
in any way, that might be tolerable, if no other bands are available that 
night.   (That's what "it depends" means.)  But your demo clearly shows 
that that you are not _just adequate_.

A woman travelling with all those men musicians, especially if her husband 
is not one of the men?  Oy, yoy yoy.  All kinds of problems will arise, 
negiya, possible inappropriate social and emotional intimacy between men 
and women, loss on the focus of the mistva of "mesameyakh zayn khosn kale" 
[=creating joy for the bride and groom], etc.  Also, a few very Orthodox 
women have begun entering the working world and this is creating all kinds 
of problems in the frum communities, especially, if those jobs are outside 
the heavily controlled frum venues.  You have to go to the rebbe and have 
his OK for jobs like that, and rebbes rarely OK them.  The rabbis in the 
standard Orthodox communities are losing some control with more and more 
Orthodox women entering the work force.  This is scary across the board. 
 Kids taking drugs and tuning out of Orthodoxy is no longer an unknown/rare 
phenomenon in the Orthodox world.  They recently created a yeshiva for 
these kids in Brooklyn.  They blame these problems of course on the working 
women.

I know they have a lot of weddings and you could get nightly jobs, but 
forget them, Margot.  Perhaps find the girl yeshivas and the event 
organizers there.  You could get to the women organizations, which 
regularly make women's events and women's melave malkas for you to play at. 
 Those women might, might be more amenable.  Or maybe claim that all your 
musicians are your brothers and cousins :).

P.S.  Margot and her band played at our daughter's bat mitsva, November 
'99.  That is, after the first hour of Mozart sonatas by a concert pianist 
- music our daughter insisted upon.  We had to insist on klezmer music.  It 
takes all kinds of kids, but, of course, only the kid of a klezmer will ask 
for Mozart sonatas at her bat-mitsva.  Margot was wonderful and all our 
friends loved her.


Reyzl

----------
From:  Margotlev (at) aol(dot)com [SMTP:Margotlev (at) aol(dot)com]
Sent:  Tuesday, February 27, 2001 11:38 PM
To:  World music from a Jewish slant
Subject:  Re: kol isha

Robert,
it's a sensitive question, since we never know for sure why we aren't hired 
-
maybe they just don't like my clarinet playing.   And there have been some
occasions where I have been hired by Orthodox and Hassidim, especially in
smaller cities where it was an issue of male musicians not being available. 
I've asked my male colleagues in NY if would be possible for me to get
wedding work in those communities in NY and the answer was 'not in this
lifetime.'   I get inquiries, then the client decides I would not be
"appropriate" for a job, I explain that I dress modestly and don't sing, 
but
they still don't hire me - but you never know, maybe they didn't like the
demo, or maybe another band was cheaper.  It happens all the time and you
never know the reason for sure.
 I don't know any women instrumentalists who are working in those 
communities
in NY, but if they are I would LOVE to know about it  Meanwhile, I've been
asked to play Carlebach tunes for an upcoming Purim event (on a volunteer
basis)  and I intend to bring the house down.  Excuse me.  It's a tiny 
crack
in the door so I'm going to see if I can get my foot in.

  I was really trying to make the point that it becomes ridiculous for
religious groups to point the accusing finger of sexism at each other when
the discrimination has been almost completely universal until very 
recently.
  Margot


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