Teat lesions and German Klezmer

[Joshua Horowitz <horowitz...>]

Introduction
Many years ago I was asked by a village in Austria to write a musical
work which was to involve all of the schools of the district. The work
was such a success that I began to be seen as a creative figure in the
community - a sort of independent advisor who could possibly bring new
ideas and fresh wind into solving some of the community's problems. I
was therefore asked to attend the quarterly meetings at city hall with
the mayor and was frequently included in board discussions, which
involved subjects as diverse as biological waste disposal, juvenile
crime and, my favorite, teat lesions, pseudo cow pox and mastitis, which
were upsetting the local farmers at the time.

The subject of problematic cows udders began to interest me almost to an
obsession. I don't know what it was at the beginning which inspred me to
want to help these lethargic beasts with their pink, swollen teats, but
after researching the problem, I not only became known as "Der Euterman"
(The udder man), but also began to notice the astonishing parallels
between the German Klezmer scene and the problem of teat ailments in cow
milking. My studies led to a series of lectures and theoretical writings
which were to have a binding impact on the milk industry in Europe and
are hoped eventually to have the same effect upon the klezmer music
scene as well. The overall desired purpose would be to encourage an
interdisciplinary curriculum which would bring together all the
dairy-milking industries (cow, goat, sheep) with the German speaking
klezmer music industry (Germany, Austria and Switzerland) though this
lies well in the future.

I would like to share my theories and results with you today. In
referring to Germans and German klezmer music, I am specifically
referring to those Germans who have no contact to Jews and do not
reflect upon the consequences of what they are doing. In short,
egrarious German klezmer. Lets begin with: 

Cows and Teat Lesions
Sudden cold snaps in October and March confirmed Leo Timms? (researcher
at ISU?s College of Veterinary Medicine and the USDA National Animal
Disease Center) conviction that teat lesions are akin to those suffered
on the fingers and toes of humans when irritated by cold weather. The
number of cows with lesions and cracks went from 12 percent to 50
percent in two days in October of the year studied. Approximately the
same percent increase was observable in the growth of klezmer bands in
Germany from 1994-1995. "Currently, there?s no way to absolutely prevent
the lesions, given the environmental conditions of typical dairy
housing," Timms says. "The best we can do is minimize the conditions
that result in the lesions." Likewise as applied to German klezmer
music, in spite of the fact that the primary irritant causing teat
lesions, namely malfunctioning milking machines are, perhaps
unfortunately, not applied to practitioners in the German klezmer scene.

Pseudo Cow Pox and Pseudo Klezmer music
Pseudo Cow Pox typically produces vesicles that rupture and form
circular lesions which heal in a week or two. Lesions of the teat barrel
are most common. Herds that experience an outbreak of the Pseudo Cow Pox
virus usually exhibit a significant portion of the herd showing lesions
over a short period of time, after which the problem is rather rapidly
eliminated. Diagnosis of Pseudo Cow Pox can be made by examining fresh
scab material from lesions with electronmicroscopy or Serology or
looking for inclusion bodies. German Pseudo Klezmer Music, on the other
hand, has been shown to have a longer viral life, due primarily to the
lack of good taste and unfamiliarity with specific Jewish cultural
traits among German audiences and promoters. Diagnosis of German Pseudo
Klezmer Music has been attempted by ethnomusicology, with no solutions
proposed toward eradicating the condition and therefore no possibilities
for curbing tumorous growth rates.

Cow Mastitis
Lesions involving the teat barrel do not generally directly cause
mastitis, but do interfere with the milking process. Heifers which
cannot be successfully milked may develop secondary mastitis and end up
being eliminated from the herd very quickly. A syndrome is also seen,
primarily in heifers, where the skin of the much of the teat becomes
hard and is sloughed.  German Klezmeritis - otherwise diagnosed as a
condition by which Germans believing they have accrued knowledge about
klezmer music without ever having contact to primary culturpores
(cultural information carriers) - in this case Jews - have developed
swollen egos, sometimes resulting in the creation of a music having no
klezmer traits whatsoever, but calling itself klezmer music in order to
gain acceptance and recognition. Secondary German Klezmeritis - the
condition by which certain German klezmer musicians glean their
stylistic traits from other German Klezmer musicians, has yet to be
investigated though its effects have already been described as
"catastrophic, at best."

The interdisciplinary analogy
If we look at the cow as the entire musical world, the udder as the
international klezmer scene, the single teats (4 to each udder) as the
various larger regional areas of the klezmer world (North America,
Germany, Israel and greater Europe) and the milking maschine (in German
"Melkmaschine", in this case the klezmer industry of Germany) as the
device by which Germans "milk" the benefits of klezmer music, we can
gain an accurate picture of the processes which go to make up the
present problems besetting teats and klezmer music. 

In summary, I would like to close by with a quote from mother, which
should serve to express a less than basic understanding of the problem
at hand, while giving food for thought toward witholding hope for a
future solution:

"I like cows. I want them to be healthy because even if I don't drink
milk, other children do and why should they be deprived just because all
those Germans are hogging it all and making those poor udders swell up
and bleed? I like klezmer music too, even though there's all that
kvetshen' and knaytshn' in there, not that I have anything against your
friends or anything, but couldn't you tone it down a bissel? Look, milk
and honey belongs to the Jews, and cows and milk belong to the Germans.
Now, you go mixing cows and milk and Jews, honey, and God only knows
what can happen, but I've got a good notion and I won't hesitate to tell
you what you've got to look forward to. Listen to your mother: teat
lesions, pseudo cow pox and mastitis."  
 
References
1. Drolet, R., R.E. Werdin and S.M. Goyal. 1986. The role of herpes
virus type 4 (DN-599) infection in Minnesota cattle. Am Assn Vet Lab
Diag, 29t Proceedings, 335-346.

2. Nordland, K. Unpublished data.

3. O?Connor, M., C. Tully, and E.P. Power. 1994. Serological
investigation of nineteen outbreaks of herpes mammalitis. Irish Vet J,
47:168.

4. Scott, F.M.J. and A. Holiman. 1984. Serum antibodies to bovine
mammalitis virus in pregnant heifers, Vet Rec 114:19.

5. Sieber, R.L. and R.D. Farnsworth. 1981. Prevalence of chronic
teat-end lesions and their relationship to intramammary infection in 22
herds of dairy cattle. JAVMA 178:12, 1269.

Published in the 1996 National Mastitis Council Annual Meeting
Proceedings, pg. 93.

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