Re: A nice surprise?

[Lori Cahan-Simon <l_cahan...>]

Dear friends,

This is my shul, so I suppose I should say a few words.  I imagine Shirona was
watching peoples' responses because she was interested in our non-traditional
approach to the traditional service.  No one in our shul thinks about the gender
of the participants, but we all are proud of and appreciate the many learned
people from our congregation who participate in all aspects of the service.  A
majority of our leaders seem to be women.  I have no clue why.  We all
appreciate the hard work and planning that goes into preparing for a d'var,
haftarah or Torah reading, leading any portion of the service, or even preparing
a beautiful kiddush for after the service.  (I have to tell you our food is
great.  If you are in the neighborhood and looking for a nice lunch, come to
services at our place.  ;-)  I'll continue replying below.

Robert Cohen wrote:

> >For me it was a spiritual and emotional experience - seeing "frum" women
> >taking an active and awe inspiring roll in the service, as equal to men and
> >equal before G-d.  (I was watching the men during the portions where women
> >were leading, and they seemed very comfortable. The husbands whose wives
> >were leading looked very proud.   It was all very natural...
>
> I have much respect and regard for Moshe Adler and am very interested to
> hear that he's overseeing a traditional but egalitarian service.  I would
> automatically incline to assume that he's coming from a thoughtful and
> serious place in doing so.

Absolutely so.  We are fortunate to have him.

>
>
> Having said that:  Between the lines--or, actually, *in* the lines--of this
> posting are flashing yellow lights indicating some of the potential
> problems, perhaps, of such services.

As members of the congregation, none of us feels this way.

>  *Why,* for example, was our
> correspondent "watching the men during the portions where women were
> leading"--or at any time, for that matter?

See above.

> One of the reasons why many
> women that I've talked to about this, or whose thoughts I've read about from
> other's writing and interviewing, *like* a separate space from men is so
> they *won't* be watched during davening--and I can't imagine that the men
> being watched here benefited from being watched--"spiritually and
> emotionally," as our correspondent puts it.

For those who wish to sit separately, there is a space.  No one, that I know of,
felt any negative effects from Shirona having "watched" them.  I don't think
anyone noticed anyone watching them.

>  Nor do I imagine that the women
> at the service would have experienced a deeper kavannah in their davening if
> *they* were being watched.

If you were in a new shul, experiencing a different situation than you were used
to, you might look around too, to see how people were reacting.  Again, no one
was negatively affected by Shirona's noticing them.

>
>
> It's nice that the husbands of women leading the service "looked very
> proud"--though, again, nobody should have been noticing--but that suggests,
> again, *less* focus and intensity in prayer (or contemplation, study, etc.),
> which is what a synagogue service should be about.

We are all just happy that our shul exists and is continuing to grow.

>  This service comes off,
> at least in this account, as more of a show-and-tell entertainment
> production--that's where one is appropriately "proud" of one's
> spouse's/children's/friend's home run, aria, etc.  Parents, etc., can't help
> but kvell over their children's bar/bat mitzvah--uncles too.

I think the comments "comfortable" and "natural" explain the feeling at our
shul.  It is absolutely not an entertainment production.  Just a normal
service.  Good company, good singing, good davening.

>  But that
> should be the exception--and, indeed, in the synagogues, in my experience,
> where bar mitzvah is taken maximally seriously as a religious coming of age
> and not a pageant-with-party, even parents' kvelling is expressed in a very
> different way from at Little League.
>

Our b'nai mitzvah experiences have not been showy affairs, but serious
expressions of learning and moving into the adult world.  We are not the kind of
people who come to shul to see what others are wearing.  We come together to
share prayer with people of like minds.

>
> >Later I spent a good half hour talking with the Rabbi,  Moshe
> >Adler.  We should all be blessed with such Rabbis - open minded, spiritual,
> >a man who is in touch with his own conscience - and has the guts to act on
> >his beliefs.  Even in the face of a hostile "peer environment".
>
> I have, as I said, nothing but regard for Moshe Adler.  But Shirona is,
> sadly, again so wrapped up in self-righteousness that she imagines that only
> those who agree with her are "in touch with [their] own conscience" or
> "[have] the guts to act on [their] beliefs."

It's easier to be in touch with one's own conscience and go with the flow if
your conscience goes with the flow of the majority.  If it doesn't, then it
takes guts to act on your beliefs.

> It's a supremely arrogant and
> ugly notion--but Shirona seems incapable of recognizing that a rabbi who
> *doesn't* choose to go in this--i.e., her preferred--direction may be just
> as in touch with his conscience

I didn't read her statements like this at all.  Since Shirona has not mentioned
any other rabbis, I would not comment on her opinion on this matter.

> --and perhaps showing even more guts, since
> he has to defy, among other things, the limitless self-righteousness of some
> (but not all) Jewish (and non-Jewish, for that matter) feminists.
>

It does not take any particular courage to go along with the majority.

>
> I admire Rabbi Adler, among other reasons, because, in my limited
> experience, he *doesn't* convey this kind of arrogant
> self-righteousness--but, rather, an earnest humility (one of the
> requirements of which is the knowledge and belief that one may be wrong) in
> seeking to hear what G*d wants of him at any given moment and to serve G*d
> as best he can.
>

I absolutely agree.  And that is what he believes he is doing, as far as I can
tell through knowing him.

>
> It's an example worth emulating.
>

Yes, and may we all have the courage to act on what we feel is correct at the
risk of unpopularity and exclusion, and the difficulties in deviating from what
is expected of us.

with friendship,
Lorele

>
> --Robert Cohen
>
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