tachlis

[Lori Cahan-Simon <lsimon...>]

>Are you still groaning from the last one?
>
>
> Subject: If you sin while giving thanks, use stuffing?
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> Here are instructions for a Jewish technique for
>>> self-purification.
>>> Tashlich is done on the afternoon of the first day
>>> of Rosh Hashanah.
>>> You go to a running body of water, it can be a
>>> stream, creek or river,etc.
>>> and with a stone, or crumbs of bread, you say a
>>> little prayer and throw
>>> your misdeeds of the year into the running water
>>> symbolized by
>>> the bread, etc.
>>> 
>>> However, taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from
>>> whatever old bread is in the
>>> house lacks subtlety, nuance, and religious
>>> sensitivity. Instead, this
>>> coming Rosh Hashanah, consider these options:
>>> 
>>> for ordinary sins, use white bread
>>> 
>>> for exotic sins, French bread
>>> 
>>> for particularly dark sins, Pumpernickel
>>> 
>>> for complex sins, Multi-grain
>>> 
>>> for twisted sins, pretzels
>>> 
>>> for tasteless sins, Rice cakes
>>> 
>>> for sins of indecision, waffles
>>> 
>>> for sins committed in haste, matzah
>>> 
>>> for sins committed in less than 18 minutes, Shmurah
>>> matzah
>>> 
>>> for sins of chutzpah, fresh bread
>>> 
>>> for committing arson, toast
>>> 
>>> for committing auto theft, caraway
>>> 
>>> for being ill tempered, sourdough
>>> 
>>> for silliness, nut bread
>>> 
>>> for not giving full value, shortbread
>>> 
>>> for Jingoism, Yankee Doodles
>>> 
>>> for excessive use of irony, Rye bread
>>> 
>>> for excessive use of irony with regard to the Old
>>> Soviet Union,
>>> 
>>> Russian rye
>>> 
>>> for telling bad jokes, Corn bread
>>> 
>>> for hardening our hearts, jelly doughnuts
>>> 
>>> for being money hungry, Enriched bread or Raw dough
>>> 
>>> for war-mongering, Kaiser rolls
>>> 
>>> for immodest dressing, Tarts
>>> 
>>> for causing injury or damage to others, tortes
>>> 
>>> for promiscuity, Hot buns
>>> 
>>> for promiscuity with a Christian, Hot Cross Buns
>>> 
>>> for racism, Crackers
>>> 
>>> for sophisticated racism, Ritz crackers
>>> 
>>> for davvening off tune, Flat bread
>>> 
>>> for being holier than thou, bagels
>>> 
>>> for unfairly upbraiding another, Challah
>>> 
>>> for indecent photography, Cheese cake
>>> 
>>> for trashing the environment, Dumplings
>>> 
>>> for sins of laziness, Any very long loaf
>>> 
>>> for sins of pride, Puff pastry
>>> 
>>> for lying, Baked goods with Nutrasweet and Olestra
>>> 
>>> for wearing tasteless hats, Tam tams
>>> 
>>> for the sins of the righteous, Angel food cake
>>> 
>>> for selling your soul, Devil's food cake
>>> 
>>> for lust in your heart, Wonder bread
>>> 
>>> for inhaling, Stoned wheat
>>> 
>>> 
>>> Remember, you don't have to show your crumbs to
>>> anyone.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>
>>__________________________________________________
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>>
>>
>Lori Cahan-Simon
>
>
Lori Cahan-Simon

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