RE: tachlis

[Reyzl Kalifowicz-Waletzky <reyzl...>]

Still catching up with weeks of unread mail...

If you send this around, please do not leave out the name of the author of 
the piece below.  It is Rabbi Richard Israel who is a very nice and very 
clever guy.  He is a former rabbi of Yale Hillel and the former New England 
regional Hillel director (I used to work for him many years ago.)  Years 
from now it will become a piece of Internet lore, but not yet because many 
of us still know him and his fine pen.


Reyzl



----------
From:  Lori Cahan-Simon [SMTP:lsimon (at) SoftHome(dot)net]
Sent:  Wednesday, September 01, 1999 9:32 PM
To:  World music from a Jewish slant
Subject:  tachlis

>Are you still groaning from the last one?
>
>
> Subject: If you sin while giving thanks, use stuffing?
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Here are instructions for a Jewish technique for
>>> self-purification.
>>> Tashlich is done on the afternoon of the first day
>>> of Rosh Hashanah.
>>> You go to a running body of water, it can be a
>>> stream, creek or river,etc.
>>> and with a stone, or crumbs of bread, you say a
>>> little prayer and throw
>>> your misdeeds of the year into the running water
>>> symbolized by
>>> the bread, etc.
>>>
>>> However, taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from
>>> whatever old bread is in the
>>> house lacks subtlety, nuance, and religious
>>> sensitivity. Instead, this
>>> coming Rosh Hashanah, consider these options:
>>>
>>> for ordinary sins, use white bread
>>>
>>> for exotic sins, French bread
>>>
>>> for particularly dark sins, Pumpernickel
>>>
>>> for complex sins, Multi-grain
>>>
>>> for twisted sins, pretzels
>>>
>>> for tasteless sins, Rice cakes
>>>
>>> for sins of indecision, waffles
>>>
>>> for sins committed in haste, matzah
>>>
>>> for sins committed in less than 18 minutes, Shmurah
>>> matzah
>>>
>>> for sins of chutzpah, fresh bread
>>>
>>> for committing arson, toast
>>>
>>> for committing auto theft, caraway
>>>
>>> for being ill tempered, sourdough
>>>
>>> for silliness, nut bread
>>>
>>> for not giving full value, shortbread
>>>
>>> for Jingoism, Yankee Doodles
>>>
>>> for excessive use of irony, Rye bread
>>>
>>> for excessive use of irony with regard to the Old
>>> Soviet Union,
>>>
>>> Russian rye
>>>
>>> for telling bad jokes, Corn bread
>>>
>>> for hardening our hearts, jelly doughnuts
>>>
>>> for being money hungry, Enriched bread or Raw dough
>>>
>>> for war-mongering, Kaiser rolls
>>>
>>> for immodest dressing, Tarts
>>>
>>> for causing injury or damage to others, tortes
>>>
>>> for promiscuity, Hot buns
>>>
>>> for promiscuity with a Christian, Hot Cross Buns
>>>
>>> for racism, Crackers
>>>
>>> for sophisticated racism, Ritz crackers
>>>
>>> for davvening off tune, Flat bread
>>>
>>> for being holier than thou, bagels
>>>
>>> for unfairly upbraiding another, Challah
>>>
>>> for indecent photography, Cheese cake
>>>
>>> for trashing the environment, Dumplings
>>>
>>> for sins of laziness, Any very long loaf
>>>
>>> for sins of pride, Puff pastry
>>>
>>> for lying, Baked goods with Nutrasweet and Olestra
>>>
>>> for wearing tasteless hats, Tam tams
>>>
>>> for the sins of the righteous, Angel food cake
>>>
>>> for selling your soul, Devil's food cake
>>>
>>> for lust in your heart, Wonder bread
>>>
>>> for inhaling, Stoned wheat
>>>
>>>
>>> Remember, you don't have to show your crumbs to
>>> anyone.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>
>>__________________________________________________
>>Do You Yahoo!?
>>Bid and sell for free at http://auctions.yahoo.com
>>
>>
>Lori Cahan-Simon
>
>
Lori Cahan-Simon



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