a story about a wedding

[Judith R Cohen <judithc...>]

Sylvia keeps saying all the things I'd say, except probably better.
Especially about "simple courtesy". I think one way or another, it is
clear that men and not women made the rules. This by itself strikes me
as fundamentally inequitable, even if women choose to go along with them
(through condiitoning, obedience, good will or even conviction). 

Sylvia says,
> I would not feel this way if I went say to a wedding in Williamsburg or Boro
> Park -- as I would be a visitor on their turf. There it would be my place to
> conform.
> 
> 
Quite. And I've always taught my daughter the same thing.

WHat I meant by saying women's only concerts were part of the problem is
just that: going along with the rules doesn't make the rules better if
they're fundamentally unjust. Women's only concerts and events can be
fun and rewarding, and often are.

When they're chosen, and not because their existence is imposed as the
only possibility because of what appears to me - and incidentally,
Jordan, Avi and others - to a lot of ORTHODOX MEN I know - to be
inequitable ands unecessary. DOn't forget, not ALL Orthodox men even
agree with it.

A few years ago, an orthodox Sephardic friend invited us to his son's
wedding. The son had not been raised orthodox (the father, our friend,
had become orthodox gradually over the years, though his wife  is not)
and his bride was Jewish but not from an even remotely religious
background. The wedding, naturally, was totally kosher. I don't recall
women singing as part of the festivities, but I don't recall them
shutting up when there were songs everyone knew, either. For dancing,
woomen and men who wanted to dance together did; women and men who
wanted to dance separately did. No one bothered anyone else. A couple of
orthodox men left the room a couple of times, and came back later. 

But at one point, the bride's non-Jewish friends had decided to make her
a surprise - and to a burst of recorded music in bounced a distinctly
indiscretely clad belly dancer (as my daughter said, the worst part was
that she was actually a dreadful dancer!) They simply didn't know. We
were all aghast, and wondering what would happen.

Well, nothing much. The groom's father left the room, along with some of
the orthodox men. Others stayed, (and it was interesting to see how
their wives reacted to the men leaving or staying, and how they - the
wives - monitored their husbands' reactions to the dancer). 

When the dance (mercifully, for aesthetic reasons) ended, someone went
out to tell the men who'd left, and they came back in. SOmeone else
explained to the dancer, politely, what the problem was, she put on more
clothes and joined the party, which went on with lots of music and
dancing - mixed and separated - and no ill feelings.
Judith

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