Re: Abbott & Costello learn Hebrew

[Lori Cahan-Simon <l_cahan...>]

Klezcorner (at) aol(dot)com wrote:

> Remeber the Abbott & Costello  routine, "Who's On Third"???, Well, her's the
> "Jewish" Version.
> Enjoy, In Joy!
> A Good Passover to Everyone!
> Simon
>
> ABBOTT & COSTELLO LEARN HEBREW
>                                   by Rabbi Jack Moline
>
> ABBOTT: I see you're here for your Hebrew lesson.
>
> COSTELLO:   I'm ready to learn.
>
> A:      Now, the first thing you must understand is that Hebrew and English
> have
> many words which sound alike, but they do not mean the same thing.
>
> C:      Sure, I understand.
>
> A:      Now, don't be too quick to say that.
>
> C:      How stupid do you think I am -don't answer that. It's simple-some
> words
> in Hebrew sound like words in English, but they don't mean the same.
>
> A:      Precisely.
>
> C:      We have that word in English, too. What does it mean in Hebrew?
>
> A:      No, no. Precisely is an English word.
>
> C:      I didn't come here to learn English, I came to learn Hebrew. So make
> with the Hebrew.
>
> A:      Fine. Let's start with mee.
>
> C:      You.
>
> A:      No , mee.
>
> C:      Fine, we'll start with you.
>
> A:      No, we'll start with mee.
>
> C:      Okay, have it your way.
>
> A:      Now, mee is who.
>
> C:      You is Abbott.
>
> A:      No, no, no. Mee is who.
>
> C:      You is Abbott.
>
> A:      You don't understand.
>
> C:      I don't understand? Did you just say me is who?
>
> A:      Yes I did. Mee is who.
>
> C:      You is Abbott.
>
> A:      No, You Misunderstand what I am saying.  Tell me about mee.
>
> C:      Well, you're a nice enough guy.
>
> A:      No, no. Tell me about mee!
>
> C:      Who?
>
> A:      Precisely.
>
> C:      Precisely what?
>
> A:      Precisely who.
>
> C:      It's precisely whom!
>
> A:      No, mee is who.
>
> C:      Don't start that again-go on to something else.
>
> A:      All right. Hu is he.
>
> C:      Who is he?
>
> A:      Yes.
>
> C:      I don't know. Who is he?
>
> A:      Sure you do. You just said it.
>
> C:      I just said what?
>
> A:      Hu is he.
>
> C:      Who is he?
>
> A:      Precisely.
>
> C:      Again with the precisely! Precisely who?
>
> A:      No, precisely he.
>
> C:      Precisely he? Who is he?
>
> A:      Precisely!
>
> C:      And what about me?
>
> A:      Who.
>
> C :     me, me, me!
>
> A :     Who, who who!
>
> C :     What are you, an owl? Me! Who is me?
>
> A :     No, hu is he!
>
> C:      I don't know I maybe he is me!
>
> A:      No, hee is she! (STARE AT ABBOTT)
>
> C:      Do his parents know about this?
>
> A:      About what?
>
> C:      About he!
>
> A:      What about her?
>
> C:      That she is he!
>
> A       No, you've got it wrong-hee is  she!
>
> C:      Then who is he?
>
> A:      Precisely!
>
> C:      Who?
>
> A:      He!
>
> C:      Me?
>
> A:      Who'
>
> C:      He?
>
> A;      She!
>
> C       Who is she?
>
> A:      No, hu is he.
>
> C:      I don't care who is he, I want to know who is she?
>
> A:      No, that's not right.
>
> C:      How can it not be right? I said it. I was standing here when I said
> it,
> and I know me.
>
> A:      Who.
>
> C:      Who?
>
> A:      Precisely!
>
> C:      Me! Me is that he you are talking about! He is me!
>
> A:      No, hee is she!
>
> C:      Wait a Minute, wait a minute! I'm trying to learn a little Hebrew, and
> now I can't even speak English. Let me review.
>
> A:      Go ahead.
>
> C:      Now first You want to know mee is who.
>
> A:      Correct.
>
> C:      And then you say hu is he.
>
> A:      Absolutely.
>
> C :     And then you  tell me hee is she.
>
> A & C:  Precisely!
>
> C :     Now look at this logically. If mee is who.  And hu is he. And hee is
> she. Don't it stand to reason that me is she?
>
> A:      Who?
>
> C:      She!
>
> A:      That is hee!
>
> C:      Who is he?
>
> A & C:  Precisely!
>
> C:      I have just about had it. You have me confused I want to go home. You
> know what I want?  Ma!
>
> A:      What.
>
> C       I said ma.
>
> A:      What.
>
> Q:      What are you, deaf? I want Ma!
>
> A:      What!
>
> C:      Not what, who!
>
> A:      He!
>
> C:      Not he! Ma is not he!
>
> A:      Of course not! Hu is he!
>
> C       I don't know. I don't know. I don't care. I don't care who is he, he
> is
> she, me is who, ma is what. I just want to go home now an play with my dog.
>
> A:      Fish.
>
> C       Fish?
>
> A:      Dog is fish.
>
> C:      That's all, I'm outa here.
>

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