Re: Abbott & Costello learn Hebrew

[Lawrence Cohan <lcohan...>]

It was "Who's On First?"

>Klezcorner (at) aol(dot)com wrote:
>
>> Remeber the Abbott & Costello  routine, "Who's On Third"???, Well, her's the
>> "Jewish" Version.
>> Enjoy, In Joy!
>> A Good Passover to Everyone!
>> Simon
>>
>> ABBOTT & COSTELLO LEARN HEBREW
>>                                   by Rabbi Jack Moline
>>
>> ABBOTT: I see you're here for your Hebrew lesson.
>>
>> COSTELLO:   I'm ready to learn.
>>
>> A:      Now, the first thing you must understand is that Hebrew and English
>> have
>> many words which sound alike, but they do not mean the same thing.
>>
>> C:      Sure, I understand.
>>
>> A:      Now, don't be too quick to say that.
>>
>> C:      How stupid do you think I am -don't answer that. It's simple-some
>> words
>> in Hebrew sound like words in English, but they don't mean the same.
>>
>> A:      Precisely.
>>
>> C:      We have that word in English, too. What does it mean in Hebrew?
>>
>> A:      No, no. Precisely is an English word.
>>
>> C:      I didn't come here to learn English, I came to learn Hebrew. So make
>> with the Hebrew.
>>
>> A:      Fine. Let's start with mee.
>>
>> C:      You.
>>
>> A:      No , mee.
>>
>> C:      Fine, we'll start with you.
>>
>> A:      No, we'll start with mee.
>>
>> C:      Okay, have it your way.
>>
>> A:      Now, mee is who.
>>
>> C:      You is Abbott.
>>
>> A:      No, no, no. Mee is who.
>>
>> C:      You is Abbott.
>>
>> A:      You don't understand.
>>
>> C:      I don't understand? Did you just say me is who?
>>
>> A:      Yes I did. Mee is who.
>>
>> C:      You is Abbott.
>>
>> A:      No, You Misunderstand what I am saying.  Tell me about mee.
>>
>> C:      Well, you're a nice enough guy.
>>
>> A:      No, no. Tell me about mee!
>>
>> C:      Who?
>>
>> A:      Precisely.
>>
>> C:      Precisely what?
>>
>> A:      Precisely who.
>>
>> C:      It's precisely whom!
>>
>> A:      No, mee is who.
>>
>> C:      Don't start that again-go on to something else.
>>
>> A:      All right. Hu is he.
>>
>> C:      Who is he?
>>
>> A:      Yes.
>>
>> C:      I don't know. Who is he?
>>
>> A:      Sure you do. You just said it.
>>
>> C:      I just said what?
>>
>> A:      Hu is he.
>>
>> C:      Who is he?
>>
>> A:      Precisely.
>>
>> C:      Again with the precisely! Precisely who?
>>
>> A:      No, precisely he.
>>
>> C:      Precisely he? Who is he?
>>
>> A:      Precisely!
>>
>> C:      And what about me?
>>
>> A:      Who.
>>
>> C :     me, me, me!
>>
>> A :     Who, who who!
>>
>> C :     What are you, an owl? Me! Who is me?
>>
>> A :     No, hu is he!
>>
>> C:      I don't know I maybe he is me!
>>
>> A:      No, hee is she! (STARE AT ABBOTT)
>>
>> C:      Do his parents know about this?
>>
>> A:      About what?
>>
>> C:      About he!
>>
>> A:      What about her?
>>
>> C:      That she is he!
>>
>> A       No, you've got it wrong-hee is  she!
>>
>> C:      Then who is he?
>>
>> A:      Precisely!
>>
>> C:      Who?
>>
>> A:      He!
>>
>> C:      Me?
>>
>> A:      Who'
>>
>> C:      He?
>>
>> A;      She!
>>
>> C       Who is she?
>>
>> A:      No, hu is he.
>>
>> C:      I don't care who is he, I want to know who is she?
>>
>> A:      No, that's not right.
>>
>> C:      How can it not be right? I said it. I was standing here when I said
>> it,
>> and I know me.
>>
>> A:      Who.
>>
>> C:      Who?
>>
>> A:      Precisely!
>>
>> C:      Me! Me is that he you are talking about! He is me!
>>
>> A:      No, hee is she!
>>
>> C:      Wait a Minute, wait a minute! I'm trying to learn a little
>>Hebrew, and
>> now I can't even speak English. Let me review.
>>
>> A:      Go ahead.
>>
>> C:      Now first You want to know mee is who.
>>
>> A:      Correct.
>>
>> C:      And then you say hu is he.
>>
>> A:      Absolutely.
>>
>> C :     And then you  tell me hee is she.
>>
>> A & C:  Precisely!
>>
>> C :     Now look at this logically. If mee is who.  And hu is he. And hee is
>> she. Don't it stand to reason that me is she?
>>
>> A:      Who?
>>
>> C:      She!
>>
>> A:      That is hee!
>>
>> C:      Who is he?
>>
>> A & C:  Precisely!
>>
>> C:      I have just about had it. You have me confused I want to go
>>home. You
>> know what I want?  Ma!
>>
>> A:      What.
>>
>> C       I said ma.
>>
>> A:      What.
>>
>> Q:      What are you, deaf? I want Ma!
>>
>> A:      What!
>>
>> C:      Not what, who!
>>
>> A:      He!
>>
>> C:      Not he! Ma is not he!
>>
>> A:      Of course not! Hu is he!
>>
>> C       I don't know. I don't know. I don't care. I don't care who is he, he
>> is
>> she, me is who, ma is what. I just want to go home now an play with my dog.
>>
>> A:      Fish.
>>
>> C       Fish?
>>
>> A:      Dog is fish.
>>
>> C:      That's all, I'm outa here.
>>
>


Larry Cohan
Hyde Park Academy
6220 S. Stony Island
Chicago, IL   60637
773-535-0937
May the Force Be With You while you Live Long and Prosper!


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