Abbott & Costello learn Hebrew

[Klezcorner <Klezcorner...>]

Remeber the Abbott & Costello  routine, "Who's On Third"???, Well, her's the 
"Jewish" Version.
Enjoy, In Joy!
A Good Passover to Everyone!
Simon

ABBOTT & COSTELLO LEARN HEBREW
                                  by Rabbi Jack Moline


ABBOTT: I see you're here for your Hebrew lesson.

COSTELLO:   I'm ready to learn.

A:      Now, the first thing you must understand is that Hebrew and English 
have
many words which sound alike, but they do not mean the same thing.

C:      Sure, I understand.

A:      Now, don't be too quick to say that.

C:      How stupid do you think I am -don't answer that. It's simple-some 
words
in Hebrew sound like words in English, but they don't mean the same.

A:      Precisely.

C:      We have that word in English, too. What does it mean in Hebrew?

A:      No, no. Precisely is an English word.

C:      I didn't come here to learn English, I came to learn Hebrew. So make
with the Hebrew.

A:      Fine. Let's start with mee.

C:      You.

A:      No , mee.

C:      Fine, we'll start with you.

A:      No, we'll start with mee.

C:      Okay, have it your way.

A:      Now, mee is who.

C:      You is Abbott.

A:      No, no, no. Mee is who.

C:      You is Abbott.

A:      You don't understand.

C:      I don't understand? Did you just say me is who?

A:      Yes I did. Mee is who.

C:      You is Abbott.

A:      No, You Misunderstand what I am saying.  Tell me about mee.

C:      Well, you're a nice enough guy.

A:      No, no. Tell me about mee!

C:      Who?

A:      Precisely.

C:      Precisely what?

A:      Precisely who.

C:      It's precisely whom!

A:      No, mee is who.

C:      Don't start that again-go on to something else.

A:      All right. Hu is he.

C:      Who is he?

A:      Yes.

C:      I don't know. Who is he?

A:      Sure you do. You just said it.

C:      I just said what?

A:      Hu is he.

C:      Who is he?

A:      Precisely.

C:      Again with the precisely! Precisely who?

A:      No, precisely he.

C:      Precisely he? Who is he?

A:      Precisely!

C:      And what about me?

A:      Who.

C :     me, me, me!

A :     Who, who who!

C :     What are you, an owl? Me! Who is me?

A :     No, hu is he!

C:      I don't know I maybe he is me!

A:      No, hee is she! (STARE AT ABBOTT)

C:      Do his parents know about this?

A:      About what?

C:      About he!

A:      What about her?

C:      That she is he!

A       No, you've got it wrong-hee is  she!

C:      Then who is he?

A:      Precisely!

C:      Who?

A:      He!

C:      Me?

A:      Who'

C:      He?

A;      She!

C       Who is she?

A:      No, hu is he.

C:      I don't care who is he, I want to know who is she?

A:      No, that's not right.

C:      How can it not be right? I said it. I was standing here when I said 
it,
and I know me.

A:      Who.

C:      Who?

A:      Precisely!

C:      Me! Me is that he you are talking about! He is me!

A:      No, hee is she!

C:      Wait a Minute, wait a minute! I'm trying to learn a little Hebrew, and
now I can't even speak English. Let me review.

A:      Go ahead.

C:      Now first You want to know mee is who.

A:      Correct.

C:      And then you say hu is he.

A:      Absolutely.

C :     And then you  tell me hee is she.

A & C:  Precisely!

C :     Now look at this logically. If mee is who.  And hu is he. And hee is
she. Don't it stand to reason that me is she?

A:      Who?

C:      She!

A:      That is hee!

C:      Who is he?

A & C:  Precisely!

C:      I have just about had it. You have me confused I want to go home. You
know what I want?  Ma!

A:      What.

C       I said ma.

A:      What.

Q:      What are you, deaf? I want Ma!

A:      What!

C:      Not what, who!

A:      He!

C:      Not he! Ma is not he!

A:      Of course not! Hu is he!

C       I don't know. I don't know. I don't care. I don't care who is he, he 
is
she, me is who, ma is what. I just want to go home now an play with my dog.

A:      Fish.

C       Fish?

A:      Dog is fish.

C:      That's all, I'm outa here.

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