It's not music

[Klezcorner <Klezcorner...>]

 This is not related to Jewish music, but there was an ongoing discussion 
about who is and who isn't.  With national elections soon upon us, this is 
apropos.
It's good for a laugh!
Simon

THE JEWISH CONNECTION REPORTS:

Hillary Rodham Clinton's quest for a Senate seat from
New York improved after it became known that her
stepgrandfather was Jewish, New York Mayor Rudy
Giuliani now has reported that his second cousin's third
wife once rode in a cab driven by a Jewish driver. He
proclaimed that he is just as Jewish as Mrs. Clinton.
"Anyone who disagrees with this, I'll personally give a
smack on the tuchus." Vice President Al Gore, also
dropped the news that he once roomed in college with
a young man whose aunt briefly dated a Jewish dentist.
"And once, while visiting New York, I enjoyed a piece of
Halvah." Martin Peretz, publisher of the New Republic and
longtime Gore supporter, said that Gore was over the
house the other night for dinner, and insisted on a corned
beef sandwich and a seltzer. "And when I brought it to him,
he said, 'Ah gezunt af dein keppel.'"

Former Sen. Bill Bradley said that Jewish people appreciate
and admire intellectual achievement, and they would
kvell if they knew my SAT scores or grades at Princeton.
"I know that Jewish people are obsessed with knowing
which famous people are Jewish, whether it's movie stars
or famous athletes or politicians, but I'm running a different
kind of campaign, and I'm just not going to get into that
stuff. So I won't even comment on the fact that my campaign
treasurer's economics professor at Columbia once used
a Jewish accountant." Campaigning in Houston, Gov.
George W. Bush, cut short a speech in Spanish to a
Hispanic audience to ask directions to the nearest
synagogue. When asked why, he said he did not want
to look like he was engaging in the reprehensible practice
of catering to Jewish voters, so he could not explain.
But he did note a moment later that his wife's manicurist's
therapist's uncle died that morning in Brooklyn, and he
thought it would be appropriate to stop in to a synagogue
and recite the traditional kiddush. Later, when asked if he
meant the Kaddish prayer recited for the dead rather than
the blessing over wine, Bush was annoyed. "Hey, I know
about Jews and all their sensitivities. I read the Old
Testament, I learned plenty in the Holy Land. I visited the
Wailing Wall and saw where our Lord walked. And I kibbutzed
around with folks on a kibbitz." In New York, the Anti-Defamation
League issued a statement decrying the growing hysteria
among our political leaders to try to please Jewish voters who
are far too sophisticated to fall for such crass attempts. "We
won't tolerate anyone, including powerful politicians, being
too nice to us," said ADL leader Abe Foxman.

Rabbi Avi Weiss of Riverdale announced immediate plans to
chain himself to the next politician who emphasizes his or
her Jewish ties. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton chastised the
press for creating such a fuss in the first place over the fact
that her grandmother had been married to a Jew. She said
any talk of her leaking this information to improve her standing
in the Jewish community was absurd. She then left for Western
Maryland with her husband where they planned to rename their
presidential retreat Camp Star of David.


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