RE: purim shpiels

[Janice Steirn <jsteirn...>]

At 05:57 PM 6/25/98, you wrote:
>Am I the only one who can't open attachments?  Maybe it is because I have
>Windows 3.1.  If it is not too difficult, I would so appreciate it if you
>copy the purim spiels into the body of the e-mail for those of us who are
>low-tech?  
>
>Rachelle
>


Hmmm.  It sounds like several people are having trouble reading the
attachments I've sent, so, I'm copying the spiel into the body of this
message.  It probably won't be formatted correctly, but, here it is.  I can
also send a hard copy out.

Janice 



Purim Speil -- 1995 (5755)
(revised March 6, 1995)

(Abe and Jacob are off to one side of the stage, Ruth and Naomi are on the
other side, all provide narration.)

(tune:  Gilligan's Island)

Wandering   Sit right back and you'll hear a tale
Minstral    A tale of a deadly plot
            That started here in Shushan
            We hope you won't be shocked.

            The King, he was a party man
            Vasthi was his mate
            Haman was a dreadful jerk
            His heart was full of hate.

            Mordechai, the Israelite, was wise and faithful too.
            He helped Esther through her fight to save all the Jews -
            To save all the Jews.

  Jacob -   Abe, what's all the traffic?  There are camels all over the road.

    Abe -   Didn't you hear?  The king is giving one of his famous Persian
            parties.

  Jacob -   No, I didn't hear. (sarcastically-) I guess my invitation was lost 
            in the mail.

(cast enters singing, tune: Going to the Chapel)

   Cast -   Going to the palace and we're going to get plastered.
            Going to the palace and we're going to get plastered.
            Gee I really love Ahasha - - Verosh's parties
            Going to the palace to drink.

(tune:  Bottle of Wine)

   King -   Bottle of wine, fruit of the vine
            When you going to let me get sober?
            Bring Vashti on
            She'll sing us a song
            And dance, we can even disrobe her.

(speaking)  Haman, what's the guy's name who carries messages to the women?

Haman -     Nick.

King -      Hey Nick... Nick.  Hey you Nick! (eunich)

Nick -      Yes Sire?

King -      Go fetch Vashti to dance for us.

Nick -      Yes Sire.

(Nick goes to Vashti)

Nick -      Excuse me please my lady fair,
            But you are here, the king wants you there.

(tune:  I am Woman)

Vashti -    I am Vashti hear me scream.  
            This king is living in a dream.  
            If he thinks that he can call me on a whim, 
            'Cause I've come to him before.  
            And he's just passed out on the floor
            Now I know just what I can expect from him.

            Yes, I am bold but it's boldness for a cause
            Now I've got the king creating silly laws
            If I have to I can just leave this place.
            I am strong, I am invincible, I am Vashti.

(As Vashti is singing, king looks shocked then angry, motions to advisor to
get her out. Vashti is carried off - Nick and Advisor pick her up under her
arms - feet moving)

(SIGN - NEXT MORNING)

(The morning after Vashti's refusal - King shows up in bathrobe with icepack
on head, moaning.)

Advisor -   You look worse than a hound dog full of ticks.

King -      I feel even worse.  The gods of pleasure demand a high price for
            their treasures.  (looking around) Hey where's Vashti?

Advisor -   Beg pardon?

King -      Vash, where is she?

Advisor -   Um, you had her banished last night.

King -      I what!?!  Oh man, I have got to cut down on my drinking.  Well -
            That's OK.  I'm a man, I'm tough, I'm strong.  I don't need a woman.

(SIGN: TWO WEEKS LATER)

King -      I NEED A WOMAN!

Abe -       Oy, what a king.  So, what happened then Jake?

Jacob -     The king had his swiftest messengers take an eye exam, then he sent 
            them out after beautiful women.  When they found one, they would
            bring her back to Haggai so she could be prepared for the beauty
            pagent.

(tune:  Say Did You Happen to See...)

Cast -      Hey did you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world?
            And if you did, was she single, single?

Naomi -     Ruthie, did you see all those lovely young ladies?

Ruthie -    I did Naomi.  Oy such kinder!  The word is that the king has his
            eye set on one of our girls.

(tune:  Help Me Rhonda)

King -      Since she disobeyed I've been sleeping alone at night.
            I've been looking for a date
            But I can't find a girl who's right
            But Esther you caught my eye
            And I knew it wouldn't take much time
            For you to help me Esther, 
            Help me get her out of my mind.

            Help me Esther, help help me Esther
            Help me Esther, help help me Esther,
            Help me Esther get Vashti out of my mind.

            She had been my wife and I had always been her man.
            Then she disobeyed my order and I had to throw her out of my land
            But Esther you've got such grace
            And you know I really dig your face
            You've got to help me Esther
            Esther you could take her place.

(The king leads Esther to Haggai on one side of the stage as Mordechai
starts singing, on the other side of the stage. Tune:  She Loves You)

Mordechai - You'd think I wouldn't want
            To marry Esther to
            A man who is a king
            But is not a Jew.
            But he loves her
            And here she's in the way.
            Because he loves her
            Who know she might just save the day.
Cast -      oooooooo

Haggai -   Esther, is that your real name honey?  The king really prefers to
           be the only name in the palace starting with a vowel.  I used to be
           an Aggie, then I added the "H" to please the king.  Haman used to be
           - you'll never believe this - "Amen".  So, now, what about your name
           - how does Hester sound?

Esther -   Like an open wound - No, I don't like it.  What if we change it a
           little more?  How about Hadassah?

Haggai -   Hadassah, I like it. It will add warmth to the name, passion to the
           palace, and income to the treasury.

(Haggai leads Esther to the wedding ceremony - puts a veil on her head)

(Tune: Sunrise, Sunset)
Mordechai -Is this the little girl I carried . . .

Cast -     Groan (and roll eyes)

(Mordechai shrugs and quits singing)

(SIGN:  SOMETIME LATER)

Abe -      Oy what a ruckus last night.  I didn't sleep a wink.

Jacob -    What ruckus?

Abe -      What "what ruckus?"?  You didn't hear all the commotion?

Jacob -    No.  I said a little B'rucha, ate a little cake and went to sleep.
           I didn't hear a thing.


Abe -      Well, it seems these two scoundrels down by the gates were hatching
           a plan to kill the king, but someone heard them and called for help.

Jacob -    Wow, what a hero, anyone we know?

Abe -      I don't think so.  His name is Superfly, or Mordefly or Bali hai -
           something like that.  A real mensch.

Jacob -    Someday his good deeds will be rewarded.

(SIGN:  SOMEDAY)

(King in bed, tossing and turning.  Tune:  Tossing and Turning)

Cast -     Tossing and turning.  Turning and tossing.  Tossing and turning all
           night.

King -     I can't sleep.  Someone send in my Advisor with something to
           read...and some hot chocolate.  Don't forget the marshmallows!

Advisor -  (enters with a large book and a mug).  Yes, your sleeplessness?

King -     I can't sleep.  Is that my hot chocolate?  Good.  What's that you've
           got?  Oh good.  Read me something.

Advisor -  Hmmmm.  Ok, here's a good one.  A couple of weeks ago a couple of
           deadbeats on staff were planning your assassination.  Some guy was
           out by the gate and he heard the plan.  The deadbeats are now beat
           dead.  Happy ending.  Think you can sleep now?

King -     (Yawning)  Maybe.  What did we do to show the guy our appreciation?

Advisor -  Um, nothing.  What were you thinking?  A sweetheart bouquet?  A
           position in the Justice Department?

King -    (Yawns again)  Oh, I don't know.  I'll think of something.  Ok, you
          can go.  Send Haman in.

(Advisor takes mug and leaves.  Haman enters.)

King -    Haman,  there's this guy I'd like to do something nice for.  You
          know, sort of a show of appreciation. You've got such a flair for the
          fantastic, tell me what you think I should do.  A sweetheart bouquet?

(Haman - to the audience: Tune:  You're So Vain)

Haman -   I'm so vain
          I think the king is talking about me
          I'm so vain . . .

          Ok - here's what you do.  First, nix the bouquet.  You put your best
          robe on this wonderful person, put him on your very own, personal
          horse and parade him around for all to see.

King -    Great idea!

(tune:  My Boy Lollipop)

          My Boy Mordechai (cast "doo doo doo doo")
          On my horse we'll ride him by (cast "doo doo doo doo")
          We'll dress him in my ro-eb
          And march him 'round the glo-eb
          My boy Mordechai (cast "doo doo doo doo")
          My boy Mordechai

Ruthie -  Naomi, you'll never guess who I saw at the market yesterday.

Naomi -   Guess?  You want I should guess? Ok - I'll guess.  Brad Pitt?  Paul
          Newman?  No?  Ok, so tell me.

Ruthie -  Zeresh, Haman's wife.  Boy is Haman upset.  Apparently Mordechai has
          just about irritated him to death.  First Mordechai refused to bow
          down to Haman.  You know, Mordechai's such a good Jewish boy, he'd
          never bow down to Haman.  Then, the king asked Haman to design a
          reward for someone and Haman naturally thought it was for him.  But,
          it was for Mordechai.  Haman is so angry that he has asked the king
          to let him declare an open hunting season on all Jews.

Naomi -   No!  But surely the king sees the foolishness of such an act.

Ruthie -  Our king?  All he can see are wine bottles and pretty women.  Can you
          believe?  The meshuganah said yes!

Naomi -   Oy.

Ruthie -  Oy yoy yoy is more like it. Fortunately, Mordechai is trying to talk
          Esther into speaking to the king on our behalf.

Mordechai- Esther, you've got to talk to him.

Esther -   Uncle Mordechai - I can't.  He might kill me.

Mordechai- Well, it's either he might kill you or Haman will    kill you.

Esther -   I don't know . . .

(tune:  I Got You Babe)

Mordechai- They say we're an unruly bunch
           But I think Haman's strange 
           That's just-a-hunch.
           Babe - We need you babe
           See us through Babe...

Esther -   I'll sleep on it.

Mordechai- Ok.  Don't sleep too long or you may wake up dead.

(Esther goes to bed and dreams about Vashti.)

Vasti -    Esther, Mordechai is right - you must talk to the king.  Catch him
           when he's had a couple of drinks. He's much more reasonable then.

Esther -   Vashti? - Is that you?  I'm not sure I can do it.  You seem so sure
           of yourself - so committed to your principles.  What can I do?

(tune:  Be True to Your School)

           Vashti -   Be true to your Jews now
           Just like you would to your shul now
           Be true to your Jews
           Or else they're gonna die
           Be true to your Jews.
Cast -     Cook him a feast
           Cook him a feast
           He likes it
           He likes it.

Esther -   (Sigh) Ok - I'll ask him to dinner.  And if I perish - the play
           will end early, and I won't have to cook.

(Esther wakes up, goes to the kitchen)

(tune:  Tonight)

Esther -   Tonight, tonight won't be just any night.
           Tonight the roast won't be overdone.
           Tonight, tonight, I'll see my love tonight,
           and I pray that our battle will be won.

           Today while Haman is still plotting
           his evil mind is rotting
           and he still thinks he'll win.
           Oh food taste good
           And make the king do what he should
           Tonight.

(Banquet Esther gives for the king)

King -     Esther, my love - you look upset.  What is it?

(tune:  It's My Party)

Esther -   It's my party and I'll cry if I want to,
           cry if I want to, cry if I want to.
           You would cry to if he tried to kill you.

King -     Kill you!?!  My Queen?  Someone is trying to kill my queen?  Who?
           (tune:  Suspicion) "Suspicion, torments my heart.
           Suspicion, tears me apart..."  Who is it Esther?

Esther -   Him, that Haman person.

(sticks her tongue out at Haman.  tune:  My Boyfriend's back)

           My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble

Cast -     A-lai A-lai my boyfriend's back.

(tune:  Yesterday)

Haman -    Yesterday, this demotion seemed so far away.
           Now it seems I should have changed my ways.
           Oh I really blew it yesterday.


(Haman gets dragged off.)

Ruthie -   Did you see Esther and the King at the Purim party?

Naomi -    Yes, I did!  G-d love them, they're such an adorable couple.

Ruthie -   And I love the new desserts - those little triangles with the fruit
           in the middle!

(tune:  The Beat Goes On)

Cast -     And the beat goes on
           Yeah the beat goes on.
           And the Jews go on
           and on on on on . . . 



(alternative ending song - tune:  Sha Na Na Na Kiss Him Good-bye)

           Sha na na na
           Sha na na na
           Hey hey hey
           The Jews live on.

           Sha na na na
           Sha na na na
           Hey hey hey
           The Jews live on.




Dr. Janice N. Steirn
Department of Psychology
P.O. Box 8041
Georgia Southern University
Statesboro, GA 30460
(912) 681-5505
Internet:  JSteirn (at) GaSou(dot)edu