[HANASHIR:5940] Re: Funerals

[K. B. <kbmusic...>]

I agree with Richard, that "keeping it together" is part of being a
professional.  Years ago, I learned that for me it is impossible to sing and
cry at the same time.  Speaking and crying are okay, but once I begin to
really cry, I am unable to sing....thus, I can't do my job.
When I have some lead time, I meditate for a day or two previous to the
'trying' event as a means of getting myself totally focused and calm.  My
feeling is that I am being paid to be professional; I am there to facilitate
the family's tears, not mine.
I developed my meditating practices when I was forced to do two funerals
just 3 short weeks after my mother and then my best friend died.  I've been
known to sing, eulogize, etc., finish the service, get in my car, and wail
for as long as it takes to get all the emotion out.  Then I go home.
Karen


----- Original Message -----
From: Rabbi Richard Schachet <lvrabbi (at) lvcm(dot)com>
To: <hanashir (at) shamash(dot)org>
Sent: Wednesday, May 03, 2000 1:27 PM
Subject: [HANASHIR:5935] Re: Funerals


> Although, to cry is good, let me share what I have done-  and
unfortunately
> I have buried mom, dad, brother, nephew  and aunt--
>
> I literally step out of my role as son or brother or nephew when I do the
> service or eulogy-- when the service is over-- or my part is over, I then
go
> back to my role as the relative.
>
> Interesting-- when I am there, people call me "Rabbi"-- Then they go back
to
> calling me "Dick."
> They want to see me as "The Rabbi" when I am in that role.
>
> any other thoughts from others in this situation.
>
>
> Rabbi Richard Schachet
> Valley Outreach Synagogue
> www.valleyoutreach.com
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Andy Curry <acurry (at) CellNet(dot)com>
> To: <hanashir (at) shamash(dot)org>
> Sent: Wednesday, May 03, 2000 8:18 AM
> Subject: [HANASHIR:5933] Re: Funerals
>
>
> > Why would you want to distance yourself from your emotions?  It's OK to
> > schrei at a funeral, even if you're the chazzan.
> >
> > With respect,
> > Andy
> >
> > At 01:58 PM 5/3/00 +0200, you wrote:
> > >I just returned from singing a very difficult funeral.  It was hard
> because
> > >it was small and most of the family members, including the small
> > >grandchildren, were sobbing.  While it has always been difficult for
me,
> > >it's worse now that my mother has died, to hold back the tears when I
see
> > >others grieving.
> > >
> > >Has anyone found any good methods for distancing from your emotions
when
> > >participating in a service?
> > >
> > >Janet Pape
> > >janet(dot)pape (at) iea(dot)org <mailto:janet(dot)pape (at) iea(dot)org>
> > >Cantorial Soloist,
> > >Kehilat Gesher, Paris
> >
> > Andy Curry
> > 6016 Holmes St
> > Kansas City MO 64110-3034
> > Home: (816)363-8381
> > Work: (913)312-4739
> > acurry (at) cellnet(dot)com
> >
> >
>
>

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