Re: Absolutely Off Topic: Jewish Guide to Shoveling Snow

[Sam Weiss <SamWeiss...>]

As this joke has now become an annual tradition, I compared last year's 
version with this year's.  Seems like four ladies (Judith Plaskow, EM 
Broner, Debbie Friedman and Marge Piercy) replaced the following two 
gentlemen  (Kol Isha's Revenge?):

     Rabbi David Hartman - "Snow is a potent force in the world which
unites all Jews. It falls on us all,regardless of religious denomination 
and
belief, and is therefore instrumental in our understanding of Jewish unity
and diversity. In fact, just this week, I was explaining the significance 
of
snow to the Prime Minister, President Weizman, President Clinton, and His
Holiness the Pope, who had asked my opinion."
     The Late Lubavitcher Rebbe (from an epistle to a disciple) -
"Shoveling snow is a distraction from our efforts to bring Moshiach, may He
come soon, when in any case there will be no snow to shovel. So leave it 
and
let it melt.  If the Messiah does not come by Shavuos, the snow will have
miraculously disappeared anyway."

At 10:05 AM 1/29/04, Lori M Simon wrote:

>Okay, so it's Jewish, it's musical, it's male and female, it's various
>Jewish viewpoints, appropriate to our recent discussions.  Enjoy!
>
>love,
>Lorele
>
>You can hear clips from Lori's CDs at:
>http://www.cdbaby.com/lcahan
>http://www.cdbaby.com/lcahan2
>http://www.cdbaby.com/nosband
>Email me for purchase or buy at CD Baby or Hatikvah Music at:
>http://www.hatikvahmusic.com
>
>  Jewish Guide to Shoveling Snow
>
>Ariel Sharon - "The important thing is to shovel the entire width and
>breadth of the driveway, regardless of what anyone else thinks."
>
>Ehud Barak - "You must shovel most of the driveway, but the exact
>dimensions of shoveling will be determined in discussions with our
>neighbors. No wait, you can shovel only in places where snow had
>previously fallen, but you cannot shovel in places where no snow had
>fallen - wait, don't do any shoveling until you hear from me!"
>
>Yossi Sarid - "You should not shovel any part of the driveway, since you
>really do not have any valid historical or legal claim to the driveway,
>and it will soon be given back to its rightful owners."
>
>Artscroll Hilchos Sheleg ("Laws Regarding! Snow; Ashkenaz version,
>chapter 5) - "First approach the snow with the proper kavanah, meditating
>on the concept of snow removal. Recite the "...Who commanded us
>concerning the shoveling of snow" benediction," then take three steps
>back, bend the knees slightly with feet together, then look at the snow,
>lift shovel and dig, turning right and then left, bend knees fully, take
>three steps forward and deposit snow deliberately. Repeat until done,
>then recite the Sheheheyanu benediction, go indoors and have a hot drink,
>remembering to say the
>Shehakol brocha (see Artscroll Hilchos on Drinking Hot Liquids)..."
>
>Tikkun Magazine - "What right do we have to violently take snow from its
>rightful resting place? Snow has rights: each snowflake is a unique
>individual, and we have absolutely no right to do anything with it. Let
>the snow decide for itself what it wishes to do, and then if it wishes to
>be shoveled, do so humanely."
>
>Rashi - "Snow, this is a form of solid precipitation that cling s to
>one's beard if you remain outside too long in the winter season. (Old
>French: neige). Shoveling is a Rabbinic precept, based on the verse in
>Isaiah 1:18 - "If your sins be like scarlet, they will turn as white as
>snows."
>
>Birthright Israel - "It does not matter how the shoveling is done, but
>the very act of a young Jew shoveling snow for ten consecutive days,
>under proper supervision will have a lifelong impact on Jewish identity."
>
>Meir Ben-Meir (Israeli Water Commissioner) - "Just shovel the snow as
>fast as you can, and ship it here. We are running out of water fast! Is
>anyone listening to me?"
>
>Judith Plaskow: Whether shoveling snow is an issue of concern to Jewish
>feminists, or feminist Jews, is a question we are not yet ready to ask.
>Who is to say that once we create a memory of Sinai that includes the
>voice of women, whether shoveling will even be the remedy for snow that
>we shall seek?
>
>E M Broner: The women sit in the snow and chant. They face East, knowing
>that the Holy of Holies was never theirs, yet knowing too that it always
>will be theirs. They become wet and cold, sitting in the snow, but as
>they imagine the Old Stone House in Jerusalem that contained heat and
>cold, gold and ash, darkness and light all at once and in the proper
>proportions, they felt neither wet nor cold. The women stand in a circle
>and sing. They grab shovels and as their voices rise and fall, the
>shovels rise and fall, and the piles of snow rise and fall, and then
>Shelegit the Lesbian for Places North says, "Enough with the rising and
>falling! It is too male! It is not mine!" The other women embrace her,
>sighing, except for the Bad Girl who likes the rising and the falling.
>She alone continues to shovel.
>
>Debbie Friedman:
>The snow blesses us/
>so we greet her flakes the snow purifies us/
>so we greet his strength/
>the snow is cold/so we seek what is warm/
>the snow is harsh/
>but we fear no harm.
>
>Marge Piercy:
>I am glad to know
>That snow is suddenly of my People,
>My People always knew snow, first in Michigan in gritty Detroit and
>  now in New England
>And I have written of snow in the many many many pages
>Of poetry and prose
>But when I started writing Jewish poems and prayers
>  about the sweet challah and the odd sounds of the Amidah
>Did I know
>That even snow
>Could be viewed through the lens of my People
>Part of our history
>Cold and wet and familiar as my cat's tongue?

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