When tsimblists attack!

[Yakov (Koby) <kchodosh...>]

By the way, folks, there's a little note wayyy at the bottom of this message. 
So don't miss it, especially if this whole little narrative makes even less 
sense than it's supposed to.

On Sat, 3 Feb 2001 19:47:15 -0500 (EST), "Ronen Tsimbler" wrote:
>Tsimblists get violent around trombones.


SCENE:

The back area of the Epes Center, Cherry Hill Hilton Hotel, the Quiet Jam: An 
island of peace and tranquility in an ocean of insanity. Just down the hall, 
the Hassidic Dance Band is pounding away. Balkan dances with bizarre time 
signatures can be heard coming from the hotel lobby. But here, mild-mannered 
RONEN TSIMBLER and his friends sip tea and playing quiet klezmer, on the flute, 
guitar, and, of course, tsimbl.

Suddenly! RONEN TSIMBLER's brother, JERRY TSIMBLER (who is the only other 
person on this planet who knows RONEN TSIMBLER's secret) sights, just on the 
horizon, the diabolical genius, TROMBONER!

JERRY TSIMBLER:
Oh no, RONEN TSIMBLER! It is the evil TROMBONER!

(TROMBONER lurches closer and closer to the happy community of quiet klezmers.)

RONEN TSIMBLER:
Is he really here? He is! Then I must become...

Ducking into Crystal Room C, RONEN TSIMBLER... becomes... RONIN TSIMBLER! 
fighting for the rights of tsimbl players everywhere! [insert heroic tsimbl 
fanfare -- "tling t-t-tling tling TLINGGG!"]

RONIN TSIMBLER:
...*RONIN TSIMBLER!*

OTHER QUIET JAMMERS, IN UNISON:
Who is that mysterious RONIN TSIMBLER?

OTHER QUIET JAMMERS, IN UNISON:
oh no, here comes Tromboner! What will we do?? [scary out-of-tune trombone 
theme at forte`, drowning out heroic tsimbl; fluttertoungue optional.]

TROMBONER:
[As he approaches the group, we see he is wearing a tight, brass-colored, shiny 
uniform with a trombone bell printed in the center. His chubby stomach 
stretches the fabric of the suit. Camera pan up to his acne-afflicted face, 
and:]

JAMMING, are you! I do think I will JAM with you! Bwa ha ha ha ha! [Evil look 
on face. Tromboner reaches behind him and takes out trombone, even though there 
couldn't possibly have been a trombone back there. He starts playing bulgar 
rhythm in D minor, fortissimo, out of tune. Badly rendered force lines come out 
of trombone bell, striking RONIN TSIMBLER back and into the wall.]

RONIN TSIMBLER:
Ow! That hurt! -- No, really, it hurt, a lot! I'm injured!

OTHER QUIET JAMMERS, IN UNISON:
Noooooo!

TROMBONER:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! The reign of TROMBONER begins today! And my first decree is 
that every klezmer band must have at least one trombone!

OTHER QUIET JAMMERS, STILL IN UNISON:
But that will ruin us! We can not play with trombones! They are too loud!

TROMBONER:
Ha ha ha ha ha!

TO BE CONTINUED






























Note: a "ronin" is a freelance Japanese warrior, like with swords and stuff, a 
long time ago. like a really long time ago. but not that long.

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