Re: failure notice

[Lori Cahan-Simon <lsimon...>]

>
>For those of you who don't want to wait, here is the latest version from
the website proffered:
>
>My crumb list has yielded a great deal of fun, both from writing it
>        and the suggestions I have gotten from others. It has also been
>        quite aggravating. I had been working on the piece before Rosh
>        Hashanah, off and on for the past several years, during those
>        times I couldn't stand working on a drashah. I had assumed that I
>        would get it just right after a few more years and would publish it.
>        That all changed when someone leaked it from private emailing,
>        sent it to a friend, and the friend sent it to the world. It then
>        began appearing on every known Jewish net list either without
>        attribution or with inaccurate attribution. I was in danger of losing
>        all connection with the piece, but trying to get it back was like
>        trying to return feathers to a torn cushion in a high wind.
>
>        Following the practice of our ancestors who wrote their names into
>        liturgical poems (which I now understand for the first time) I
>        spelled my name into the list (the last 13 entries from "Rearing
>        children..." on). Should have done it a long time ago. Now let
>        people mail it out without attribution and claim it! It appeared in
>        Sh'ma last Purim so at least at a formal level, I have rights to it.
>
>        The list was certainly not intended to be an exercise in
>        earnestness, but it was also more than a joke. I hoped that it
>        would be a light spirited way to get people to think about Tashlich.
>        (Yes, even sins can be funny.) I can't be sure that this was what
>        made the difference, but after I read it at services more people
>        turned up at our local pond than we have ever seen before. I think
>        that is probably a good thing. I am less sure that it was good for
>        the fish.
>
>        There was also the goose problem. Signs were posted saying
>        firmly, "Do not feed the Canada geese, they will forget that they
>        are supposed to migrate."
>
>        "But officer, we are not feeding the geese. They are just taking
>        advantage of our sins." It doesn't sound very convincing. Luckily,
>        we didn't get caught.
>
>        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>        Tashlich Supplement:
>
>        (c) 1997 Richard J Israel
>
>        Taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread is in the
>        house lacks subtlety, nuance and religious sensitivity. I would
>        suggest that we can do better. Instead:
>
>        For ordinary sins, use - White Bread
>        For exotic sins - French Bread
>        For particularly dark sins - Pumpernickel
>        For complex sins - Multi-grain
>        For twisted sins - Pretzels
>        For tasteless sins - Rice Cakes
>        For sins of indecision - Waffles
>        For sins committed in haste - Matzah
>        For sins committed in less than eighteen minutes - Shmurah
>        Matzah
>        For sins of chutzpah - Fresh Bread
>        For substance abuse/marijuana - Stoned Wheat
>        For substance abuse/heavy drugs - Poppy Seed
>        For arson - Toast
>        For timidity - Milk Toast
>        For high-handedness - Napoleons
>        For being sulky - Sourdough
>        For silliness - Nut Bread
>        For not giving full value - Short bread
>        For jingoism - Yankee Doodles
>        For telling bad jokes - Corn Bread
>        For being money-hungry - Enriched Bread or Raw Dough
>        For telling small lies - Fudge
>        For war-mongering - Kaiser Rolls
>        For promiscuity - Hot Buns
>        For racism - Crackers
>        For sophisticated racism - Ritz Crackers
>        For being holier-than-thou - Bagels
>        For unfairly up-braiding others - Challah
>        For provocative dressing - Wonton Wrappers
>        For snobbery - Upper Crusts
>        For indecent photography - Cheese Cake
>        For trashing the environment - Dumplings
>        For the sin of laziness - Any Very Long Loaf
>        For being hyper-critical - Pan Cakes
>        For political skullduggery - Bismarcks
>        For over-eating - Stuffing Bread or Bulkie Rolls
>        For gambling - Fortune Cookies
>        For pride - Puff Pastry
>        For cheating - Bread made with Nutrasweet and Olestra
>        For being snappish - Ginger Bread
>        For dropping in without calling beforehand - Popovers
>        For trying to improve everyone within sight -Angel Food Cake
>        For being up-tight and irritable - High Fiber or Bran Muffins
>        For sycophancy - Brownies
>        For rearing children incompetently - Raisin Bread
>        For immodest behavior - Tarts
>        For causing injury or damage to others - Tortes
>        For hardening our hearts - Jelly doughnuts
>        For abrasiveness - Grits
>        For recurring slip ups - Banana Bread
>        For davening off tune - Flat Bread
>        For impetuosity - Quick Bread
>        For silliness - Nut Bread
>        For risking one's life unnecessarily - Hero Bread
>        For auto theft - Caraway
>        For excessive use of irony - Rye Bread
>        For larceny (especially of copyright material) - Stollen
>        etc.,etc.
>
>        Remember, you don't have to show your crumbs to anyone.
>
>        For those who require a wide selection of crumbs, an attempt will
>        be made to have pre-packaged Tashlich Mix available in three
>        grades (Tashlich Lite, Medium and Industrial Strength) at your local
>        Jewish bookstore.
>
>        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>        With thanks to Robbie Fein who suggested the original formula.
>
>        Richard J. Israel
>        rjisrael (at) mediaone(dot)net
>Lori Cahan-Simon
>
>
Lori Cahan-Simon

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