Re: Ethnographic Survey

[HEBASS <HEBASS...>]

On Tue, 14 Feb 1995, george matthew fricke wrote:

> 
> Have you been bar mitzvahed or bat mitzvahed?
> 
I am very troubled by this question.  I wrote George a personal answer, 
but I believe this is a major symptom of the crisis troubling the Jewish 
community in America.  I realize the need to explain myself, so don't 
move to the next message quite yet.  I am a man, and even though I 
strongly believe in Egalitarian rights and responsibilities, I will be 
talking about my Bar-mitzvah.  All that is said here is valid for a woman 
and her own Bat-mitzvah.
        Growing up in Brasil, in a zionist day-school, and attending High 
Holliday services (and only those) in a reform synagogue, I spent the 
first twelve years of my life unaware of this institution, the 
bar-mitzvah.  It came to pass around my twelfth birthday that my friends 
started talking about a bar-mitzvah ceremony and a celebration, through 
which we would get tons of gifts.  My parents decided it was time to 
organize ourselves and make one of those for me too.
        In my first class the Rabbi of my (reform) synagogue asked a 
friend how old was he.  He said thirteen.  The Rabbi asked him what was 
he doing there and he promptly responded " I am studying for my 
Bar-mitzvah."  With a lot more tact than what is contained in the 
following lines, the Rabbi proceeded to explain to him that he already 
was a Bar-mitzvah.  
        Bar-mitzvah is not some weird thing that you have once like a 
disease.  You become a Bar-mitzvah.  It is a magical thing that happen 
overnight, on the day of your thirteenth birthday, and next day, you ARE  
a bar-mitzvah.  Nothing you can do to change it.  
        Suppose you did not have a Bar-mitzvah ceremony.  A neighbour of 
yours dies and they only have nine people for the mynian.  They come to 
your home and, knowing you are Jewish and ask you to complete a mynian.  
You mean to tell me that you don't consider yourself fit for that because 
you "didn't have" a bar-mitzvah.  B.S.  Besides, that is your problem.  
As far as the religion is concerned, you are fully capable of performing 
the Mitzvot, the rights and responsibilities of any grown up Jew.   Deal 
with it.
        I have been working for two years in a synagogue in Montclair, 
and the attitude towards this ceremony was that of the question above.  
You have a bar-mitzvah, "I was bar-mitzvahed ten years ago".  Every 
single student that came through the door of my office to learn his or 
her haftorah received the same lecture.  If you decide not to show up 
that day, you are still going to become a bar-mitzvah.
        In my synagogue in Westbury, Long Island, students are forced to 
go through five years of school to be able to have a Bar-mitzvah.  They 
feel betrayed by this system and they hate Judaism because of this.  They 
dislike their parents intensely for forcing it, but they understand their 
parents are only a vehicle for Judaism, and they hate being Jewish.  No 
matter how many gifts and trips to Europe they get for their 
"bar-mitzvah", nothing can change the negative effect of having a 
bar-mitzvah.
        I suggest we change our language and our attitude.  Starting with 
the language is easier:  instead of being bar-mitzvahed, we can now be, 
become a bar-mitzvah, live as a bar-mitzvah.  The attitude will change 
soon after the language is internalized and becomes our own.

(joke)  I know I am right, but I welcome comments anyways.

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Henrique Ozur Bass                      Jewish Theological Seminary of America
Cantorial Student                       21 Pilgrim Lane
hebass (at) JTSA(dot)EDU                        Westbury, NY 11
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