[HANASHIR:11134] Q about kids vs. kavanah

[LSalvay <LSalvay...>]

I have a question for those of you who lead music at services. Periodically 
you must encounter a situation similar to one we had this past Shabbat: A 
family with 3 young children came to the Renewal (HN-style) Kabbalat Shabbat 
service. They seated themselves in the center of the front row of the 
congregation (the 200 or so seats are arranged in a U-shape). We had 
near-capacity attendance that evening.

The youngest of the children, about 4 years old, proceeded to talk at the top 
of his voice throughout the entire service -- at times he addressed his 
comments directly to the rabbi, who was standing right in front of him, 
trying to maintain his own composure as he led the service. The other 2 
children, perhaps ages 6 and 8, only had occasional, similarly distracting 
outbursts. The parents made minimal attempts to quiet the children or keep 
them in their seats. Finally, the father did take the youngest child out of 
the room -- but only for a few minutes.

In short, it was extremely difficult to achieve any sort of kavanah during 
the service, because young children with lax parents were the continual focus 
of everyone's attention. This same family has attended the service before, 
and always with the same situation resulting. I believe the rabbi has 
privately said something to them about it, but it apparently has had no 
effect.

The question: How do you handle such situations?  And, beyond that, how 
appropriate is it for children to attend such a service, when their attention 
spans are short, their behavior is unacceptable, and their parents are 
oblivious? On the one hand, the service should be available to anyone who 
wishes to attend -- on the other hand, the presence of one disruptive person 
creates an uncomfortable and unfulfilling experience for everyone else. You 
can ask people to control the behavior of their children -- but what if the 
parents lack any sort of good judgment (as in this case)?

I'd appreciate your thoughts.

Thanks,
Linda Salvay


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