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Off-topic: Trumpet Player Fines
- From: Lori Cahan-Simon <l_cahan...>
- Subject: Off-topic: Trumpet Player Fines
- Date: Tue 05 Feb 2002 02.46 (GMT)
>
>
> Subject: Trumpet Player Fines
>
> MUSICAL OFFENSES:
>
> Obnoxious show-offy warm up $20
> Vibrato on unison passage $50
> Failure to swing $1000
> Sound checking section mike with obnoxious jazz licks $15
> Paying highest note possible during warm-up $10
> Raising hand after making a mistake $15
> Practicing multiple tonguing not called for on gig $15
> Failure to use third valve slide when necessary $50
> Being told by conductor to play louder $400
> Taking tuning note up an octave $25
> Taking tuning note up 2 octaves $25000
> Playing Bb when band tunes to A $75
> Blacking out after high note $20
>
> LEAD PLAYERS:
>
> Changing mouthpieces mid-song
> $15
> Missing high lick, then mentioning previous gig that day $25
> Faking section into early entrance
> $10
> Faking self into early entrance
> $20
> Asking leader if its okay to take lick up
> $25
> Asking leader if its okay to take lick down
> $400
> Taking a lick down that you took up in rehearsal $100
>
> NON-LEAD PLAYERS:
>
> Missing entrance when lead player drops out on unison $15
> Hanging over past lead player on last chord
> $100
> Attempting unassigned high lick lead player biffs $50
> Asking lead player what mouthpiece he uses $75
> Pointing out to lead player that guy on record took passage up $20
> Attempting to out-screech lead player on last chord $100
> Successfully out-screeching lead player at any time $500
>
> EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS:
> Dropping mute $10
> Dropping horn $20 (+repairs )
> Forgetting pencil $20
> Forgetting mutes $50
> Forgetting bow ties or socks $30
> Forgetting mouthpiece $30
> Playing screw-on rim $10
> Blaming mistake on sticky valve $25
> Getting marble or similar object stuck down bell $75
> Polishing horn on-stage $15
>
> CRIMINAL BAD TASTE:
>
> Quoting Herb Alpert or Chuck Mangione song $25
> Casual mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater
> that you also play keyboards $100
> Discussing how plentiful gigs were in the old days $50
> Farting on the bandstand
> $25
> Taking a dump on the bandstand $75
> Talking about great deal on your new horn $10
> Hawking an old horn on the bandstand $15
> Having a nicer gigbag than the rest of the section $10
> Practicing legit style on commercial gig $35
> Beginning sentences with "When I played for Kenton" $50
>
> BASIC STUPIDITY:
>
> Playing on a Jet-Tone mouthpiece $20
> Playing on a "Gold-Plated" Jet-Tone mouthpiece $100
> Continuously asking "Where are we?" $25
> Drunkenness on gig
> $25
> Stonedness on gig
> $50
> Sobriety on gig
> $75
> Sitting next to the leader at pre/post gig meal $100
> Pretending to be friends with bone players $10
> Actually being friends with bone players $20
> Dating bone players
> $75
> Loaning money to a bone player (OOPS) amount loaned
>
>
> Never ask a man what instrument he plays. If he plays trumpet,
> he'll tell you. If not,
> there's no need to embarrass him.
>
>
> There are 2 sides to a trumpeter's personality. There is the one
> that lives only to lay
> waste to the woodwinds and strings, leaving them lying blue and
> lifeless alongside the
> swath of destruction that is the trumpet's fury. And then there's
> the dark side.......
>
--
Lori's new CD, Songs My Bubbe Should Have Taught Me; Vol.1: Passover, is
available! All Yiddish, all Passover! Great music, fun songs, famous musicians!
Only $15 & postage. Email me for more info.
- Off-topic: Trumpet Player Fines,
Lori Cahan-Simon