[Fwd: [Fwd: Humor for the Holy Days]]

[Lori Cahan-Simon <lsimon...>]

A Jewish Calendar for the New Year.

As a general principle, Jewish holidays are divided between days on which
you must starve and days on which you must overeat.  Many Jews observe no
fewer than 16 fasts throughout the Jewish year, based on the time-honored
principle that even if you are sure that you are ritually purified, you
definitely aren't.  Though there are many feasts and fasts, there are no
holidays requiring light snacking.

The Yo-Yo Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays:

 Rosh Hashanah --        Feast
 Tzom Gedalia --         Fast
 Yom Kippur --           More fasting
 Sukkot --               Feast
 Hashanah Rabbah --      More feasting
 Simchat Torah --        Keep feasting
 Month of Heshvan-       No feasts or fasts for a whole
                         month. Get a grip on yourself.
 Hanukkah --             Eat potato pancakes
 Tenth of Tevet --       Do not eat potato pancakes
 Tu B'Shevat --          Feast
 Fast of Esther --       Fast
 Purim --                Eat pastry
 Passover --             Do not eat pastry
 Shavuot --              Dairy feast(cheesecake, blintzes etc.)
 17th of Tammuz --       Fast (definitely no cheesecake  or blintzes)
 Tisha B'Av --            Very strict fast  (don't even  think about
                            cheesecake or   blintzes)
 Month of Elul --        End of cycle. Enroll in Center for Eating
Disorders before the High Holidays arrive...
Lori Cahan-Simon

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