[HANASHIR:1878] Re: Quiet

[NeilNFW <NeilNFW...>]

Ask and ye shall receive  ---

Erev Christmas
>     
>   Twas the night before Christmas, and we, being Jews,
>   My girlfriend and me-we had nothing to do.
>   The Gentiles were home, hanging stockings with care,
>   Secure in their knowledge St. Nick would be there.
>   But for us, once the Hanukkah candles burned down,
>   There was nothing but boredom all over town.
>     
>   The malls and the theaters were all closed up tight;
>   There weren't any concerts to go to that night.
>   A dance would have saved us, some ballroom or swing,
>   But we searched through the papers; there wasn't a thing.
>     
>   Outside the window sat two feet of snow;
>   With the wind-chill, they said it was fifteen below.
>   And while all I could do was sit there and brood,
>   My girl saved the night and called out "CHINESE FOOD!"
>     
>   So we ran to the closet, grabbed hats, mitts and boots
>   To cover out heads, our hands, and our foots.
>   We pulled on our jackets, all puffy with down.
>   And boarded "The T," bound for old Chinatown.
>     
>   The train nearly empty, it rolled through the stops,
>   While visions of wontons danced through our kopfs.
>   We hopped off a Park Street; the Common was bright
>   With fresh-fallen snow and the trees strung with lights,
>     
>   Then crept through "The Zone" with its bums and its thugs,
>   And entrepreneurs selling ladies and drugs.
>   At last we reached Chinatown, rushed through the gates,
>   Past bakeries, past markets, past shops and cafes,
>     
>   In search of a restaurant: "Which one? Lets decide!"
>   We chose "Hunan Chozer," and ventured inside.
>   Around us sat other Jews, their platters piled high
>   With the finest of foods their money could buy:
>     
>   There was roast duck and fried fake squid, (sweet, sour and spiced,)
>   Dried kosher beef and mixed veggies, lo mein and fried rice,
>   Whole fish and moo shi and "shrimp" chow mee foon,
>   And General Gaus chicken and ma po tofu....
>     
>   When at last we decided, and the waiter did call,
>   We said: "Skip the menu!" and ordered it all.
>   And when in due time the food was all made,
>   It came to the table in a sort of parade.
>     
>   Before us sat dim sum, spare ribs and egg rolls,
>   And four different soups, in four great, huge bowls.
>   The courses kept coming, from spicy to mild,
>   And higher and higher toward the ceiling were piled.
>     
>   And while this went on, we became aware
>   Every diner around us had started to stare.
>   Their jaws hanging open, they looked on unblinking;
>   Some dropped their teacups, some drooled without thinking.
>     
>   So much piled up, one dish after the other,
>   My girlfriend and I couldn't see one another!
>   Now we sat there, we two, without proper utensils,
>   While they handed us something that looked like two pencils.
>     
>   We poked and we jabbed till our fingers were sore
>   And half of our dinner wound up on the floor.
>   We tried-how we tried! -- but, sad truth to tell,
>   Ten long minutes later and still hungry as well,
>     
>   We swallowed our pride, feeling vaguely like dorks,
>   And called to our waiter to bring us two forks.
>   We fressed and we feasted, we slurped and we munched.
>   We noshed and we supped, we breakfasted and lunched.
>     
>   We ate till we couldn't and drank down our teas
>   And barely had room for our fortune cookies.
>   But my fortune was perfect; it summed up the mood
>   When it said: "Even if it was kosher, it was still Chinese food!."
>   And my girlfriend-well ... she got a real winner;
>   Hers said: "Your companion will pay for the dinner."
>     
>   Our bellies were full and at last it was time
>   To travel back home and write some bad rhyme
>   Of our Chinatown trek (and to privately speak
>   About trying to refine our chopstick technique).
>     
>   The MSG spun round and round in our heads,
>   As we tripped and we laughed and gaily we said,
>   As we carried our leftovers home through the night;
>   "Good Yom Tov to all-and to all a Good Night!"