the weekend -- some comments

[Chazan613 <Chazan613...>]

Sometimes it's hard to express how we felt at Hava Nashira.  Here's an excerpt
of a conversation I had today with Julie from New Hampshire (edited for public
consumption!):

Brdwysngr:      That's awesome! I didn't know you were on AOL so this is great! 
:)
Chazan613:      Yeah, a terrific weekend!
Brdwysngr:      It's so funny, I have 0/22 AOL people on my buddy list now.. :)
I can't explain the week that we had. I'm listening to Debbie right now and
crying. It hasn't ended...
Chazan613:      Maybe we should start a permanent HN chatroom!  
Chazan613:      I really broke down at the first Mi Shebeirach...
Chazan613:      I was standing next to Donny
Chazan613:      he put his talis over me
Chazan613:      and rested his arm on my shoulder
Chazan613:      I was a crying mess after that!
Brdwysngr:      We had a chat going last night- about 5 of us were on last 
night.
It was amazing.
Ohmigod-- you just made me cry harder. It's like I'm finally talking to
someone again who was there and understands. I feel like I can't function in
this new world where people don't understand what I am feeling right now. I am
so happy you just told me that!
Chazan613:      Oh, I could write a book on what I am feeling right now
Chazan613:      getting chills and shivers just thinking about it
Chazan613:      I have been to HN 3 times before
Chazan613:      but NEVER was it this powerful
Brdwysngr:      What do we do now? I feel so lost in this new world. How did you
"recover"?
Chazan613:      You never recover
Chazan613:      just go on
Chazan613:      and try to...
Brdwysngr:      What do I do?
Chazan613:      transmit that feeling to others 
Chazan613:      through your music
Brdwysngr:      I hate feeing this way... it's so lonely and I feel so lost.
Chazan613:      There is only one word to describe what we went through
Brdwysngr:      what is that?
Chazan613:      LOVE
Chazan613:      not the romantic kind
Brdwysngr:      ahava
Chazan613:      the kind that connects us to each other
Chazan613:      and to G-d


Brdwysngr:      I wish I was having this conversation with you in person so I 
could
embrace you... I miss that
Chazan613:      And yes, it is an overwhelming psychological thing too. 
Brdwysngr:      I feel like there's no one to hold me now, at least not what it 
was
like there.
Chazan613:      I couldn't get enough hugs after Havdalah!!!!
Brdwysngr:      Thank you... I can't describe what I'm feeling now.
Chazan613:      me too
Chazan613:      It is a tough world, but there are others to help us through it
Brdwysngr:      I'll be fine... it's just a new feeling inside me and a new
spirituality and I don't know what to do with it. 
Brdwysngr:      I am, but I have no voice!! My Mom called me from work and I 
could
hardly get the words out... she was all worried ;)
Chazan613:      oy vey
Chazan613:      This was a really big turnout this year, and I did not get to 
know
as many people as usual
Chazan613:      I could have used another week or two!!!!
Brdwysngr:      I konw it!! But I don't care... it was worth losing the voice.
Chazan613:      yeah
Chazan613:      How old are you, Julie?
Brdwysngr:      I am 20, and yourself?
Chazan613:      I am 46, but feel like a teenager today!
Chazan613:      There were two groups at HN
Chazan613:      college students like you
Chazan613:      and old-timers like me
Chazan613:      but the feelings were the same, regardless of age
Chazan613:      for example, did you see Shira lead services?
Brdwysngr:      But the generation gap felt connected during many times.. it 
didn't
seem to matter, you know?
Chazan613:      yes
Chazan613:      Shira must be in her early 20s, right?
Brdwysngr:      I did see her and she was amazing, I had tears in my eyes the 
whole
time. I really didn't stop crying while I was there and now I'm crying more.
I've been trying to explain what I've been feeling to my family and it's
really hard for them to understand, although it looks like my step dad is
coming next year, he is all pumped up :)
Chazan613:      Shira is so young, but so mature
Chazan613:      I have never felt that way during prayer before
Brdwysngr:      i know, and a really amazing person.
Chazan613:      the Shma resonated through all of us
Chazan613:      bringing us together to a higher level
Chazan613:      for a few minutes I lost all sense of time and place
Chazan613:      and just felt 
Chazan613:      the love
Chazan613:      and Shechinah
Chazan613:      and togetherness
Chazan613:      and peace
Chazan613:      am I overdoing it here?
Brdwysngr:      I've never felt so connected to God and everything around me...
no, you are saying everything that I feel...but making me cry harder :)
Chazan613:      sorry
Brdwysngr:      It's okay :) 
Chazan613:      I feel so happy
Chazan613:      yet sad
Chazan613:      I go to HN for several reasons,
Brdwysngr:      tell me
Chazan613:      30 years ago I met my best friend in camp
Chazan613:      Jules Frankel
Chazan613:      now we get to spend 5 days together just once a year
Chazan613:      like being back in camp together EVERY YEAR
Chazan613:      real bonding
Chazan613:      another reason is to experience praying with Debbie and Jeff, 
etc.
Chazan613:      another reason is the incredible harmonies which can never be
reproduced anywhere
Chazan613:      another reason is the love and sharing and friendship
Chazan613:      and of course the new songs I learn every year which I can take
back home and teach
Chazan613:      and the special reason this year...
Chazan613:      my SON who is 14 came with me

Chazan613:      he learned more chords and songs in one week than in MONTHS of
study
Chazan613:      He got to jam with people till 2 in the morning
Chazan613:      You see, I was at WOODSTOCK
Chazan613:      and this is BETTER
Brdwysngr:      Jules seems like an amazing person!! I remember him too... I 
really
connected with a few people, but one in particular-I could'nt put  into words
what you are saying.
I had talks with your son, he is a wonderful person. I haven't danced that
much in all my life!! You guys were amazing!
Brdwysngr:      It's amazing how many people touched me while I was there?.

Well, that was just one of many conversations I have had .

Please keep in touch, everyone!

Brian