Clinton jokes.......

[Carole Rivel <crivel...>]

Q: Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky?
  A: He couldn't give her a pink slip without asking her to try it on
  first.

  Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
  A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.

  Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
  A: When Hillary is out of town.

  Q: What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic?
  A: Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.

  Q: How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
  A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.

  President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see
  one of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" exclaims the
  President. "It's this Abortion Bill Mr. President, what do you want
  to do about it?" the aide replies. "Just go ahead and pay it."
  responds the President.

  So it's about Bill Clinton's new revelations about his sex life.
  Seems today he finally admitted that he had sex with Gennifer
  Flowers a couple of times....but he didn't come.

  Q. What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude?
  A: "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

  Q: Why does Bill Clinton cheat on Hillary?
  A: He wants to be on top.

  Q: How did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the waist down?
  A: He married her.

  Clinton is looking out of the window and he notices that someone has
  urinated the message, "BILL SUCKS!" on a wall outside the White
  House. Furious, he orders the FBI to take urine and handwriting
  samples from every member of the White House staff and find the
  culprit immediately. A week later, the FBI director calls. "Mr.
  President, I have good news and bad news," he says. "The good news
  is that the urine belongs to Bob Dole." "And the bad news?" Clinton
  demands. After a slight pause, the director replies, "Sir, the
  handwriting belongs to your wife!"

  Q: How many women does it take to satisfy Bill Clinton's sexual
  appetite?
  A: It Takes A Village!

  President French-Fry was out jogging when a Hooker standing on the
  corner hailed him. "Hey Mr. President! Fifty bucks!" "No, no." Bill
  replied with a grin, "Five bucks!" and kept on jogging. This
  exchange soon became a part of the President's normal routine. Each
  day as he'd approach the corner, the hooker would yell out, "Hey Mr.
  President... Fifty Bucks!" and Bill would holler back, "No, Five
  Bucks!" Well, one day, Hillary decided she wanted to go jogging with
  Bill. As they neared the corner, Bill suddenly realized what a
  terrible scene was about to happen. Sure enough, there was the
  hooker, and just like all the other times she smiled and waved and
  yelled out, "Hey Mr. President......See what you get for Five
  Bucks!"

  Q: How does Bill Clinton teach a woman to golf?
  A: He starts with the irons and ends up in the woods.

  Q: When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
  A: When she didn't swallow everything he presented.

  "One thing's for sure about Clinton...
  He sure doesn't neglect domestic affairs!"

  Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?
  A: A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.

  Q: What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
  A: A girl that can run faster than the Governor.

  Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes *he* did?
  A: A dead girlfriend.

  Q: Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
  A: To promote off-shore drilling.

  Q: What game did Bill Clinton want Paula Jones to play?
  A: Swallow the leader

  Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
  A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.