[HANASHIR:12430] For all you blues singers (very funny)

[Rabbi Richard Schachet <lvrabbi...>]

Never fe;t more like singing the Blues? Forget about it!

-------Original Message-------

From: Barbara Hartmann
Date: Tuesday, October 08, 2002 11:42:24 AM
To: Becky O'Hanlon; Bonnie Krull; Dawn Meskimen; Gloria Crispo; Ivan Jelin;
Judy & Paul Millman; James; Joel Lyle; Lois Jelin; Maggie-Home; Manny-USA;
Martha Gunther; Sherry Schwartz; Steve; Uncle Art Jelin
Subject: Fw: Fw: Blues



Subject: Fwd: Fw: Blues





>Subject: Blues
>
>
>   How to Sing (and Play) the Blues...
>
>   1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."
>
>   2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues unless you stick
>something nasty in the next line like "I got a good woman with the meanest
>face in town."
>
>   3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
>Then find something that rhymes, sort of: "Got a good woman with the
>meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in
>town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."
>
>   4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a
>ditch. There ain't no way out.
>
>   5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues
>don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Most Blues transportation is a
>Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor
>pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues
>lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
>
>   6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults
>sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the
>electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
>
>   7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anyplace
>in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical
>depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still great places to
>have the Blues. You cannot have the blues anyplace that don't get rain.
>
>   8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male
>pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the
>blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.
>
>   9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting
>is wrong. Go out to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
>
>   10. Good places for the Blues: a. highway b. jailhouse c. empty bed d.
>bottom of a whiskey glass
>
>   Bad places for the Blues: a. Nordstrom's b. gallery openings c. Ivy
>League colleges d. golf courses
>
>   11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you
>happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
>
>   12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if: a. you older than
>dirt b. you blind c. you shot a man in Memphis d. you can't be satisfied
>
>   No, if: a. you have all your teeth b. you were once blind but now can
>see c. the man in Memphis lived d. you have a 401K or trust fund
>
>   13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger
>Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got
>a leg up on the blues.
>
>   14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the
>Blues.
>
>   Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. cheap wine b. whiskey or
>bourbon c. muddy water d. nasty black coffee
>
>   The following are NOT Blues beverages: a. Perrier b. Chardonnay c.
>Snapple d. Slim Fast
>
>   15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
>death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die.
>So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a
>broken-down cot.
>
>   You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while
>getting liposuction.
>
>   16. Some Blues names for women: a. Sadie b. Big Mama c. Bessie d. Fat
>River Dumpling
>
>   17. Some Blues names for men: a. Joe b. Willie c. Little Willie d. Big
>Willie
>
>   18. Persons with names like Amber, Jennifer, Tiffany, Debbie, and
>Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
>
>   19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a. name of physical infirmity
>(Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit
>(Lemon, Lime, etc..) c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson,
>Fillmore, etc.)
>
>   Examples: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jackleg Lemon Johnson.
>
>   20. No matter how tragic your life, if you own a computer you cannot
>sing the blues
>
>




_________________________________________________________________
MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos:
http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx




____________________________________________________
 IncrediMail - Email has finally evolved - Click Here
Rabbi  Richard Schachet
Valley Outreach Synagogue
www.valleyoutreach.com

"The past has a vote, not a veto"
Mordecai Kaplan, z'l

------------------------ hanashir (at) shamash(dot)org -----------------------+