[HANASHIR:11156] RE: HANASHIR digest 1501

[Cantor Brad Hyman <cantorb...>]

Shalom Y'all:

I would like to add my two cents to the discussion regarding
over-enthusiastic children at the center of services. Firstly, kol hakavod
to the service leader who pushes on through during these sort of services. I
would agree with Rabbi Weilheimer that "this is a problem that happens," but
it is a co-leader problem. If we truly desire to be considered as "leaders,"
we mustn't always wait for the rabbi to act or react to situations. I'm not
suggesting that we step on toes, but rather over them. There is a nice way
of doing everything, and it is possible to assert one's position without
being disrespectful. Yes, it is a rabbi's responsibility to be a conductor
and "stage director," but two sets of eyes are always better than one.
I found out something very interesting about myself when I was song leading
at Kutz one summer. I used to have the spinal column of a jellyfish. After
years of song leading, and having my own way of doing things (successful
though they were) it wasn't until I was working with someone else that I
found out how passive I tend to be. Imagine being told that the "leader
needs to lead." Don't be afraid to lead. In this spirit, I offer a few
suggestions supporting what others have already said and adding some things
of my own:
1) Try and take chaos and control it. If you have a child who likes to be
loud, take a moment before the next musical part of the service to
especially ask all of the children to please help you sing the next prayer.
Try and channel their energy into something that is positive and productive.
Nobody likes the "heavy," or the disciplinarian, but if we don't know we're
being scolded than we're more eager to want to pay attention.
2) Tailor-made services are "all the rage." Our congregation has Tot
Shabbat, Family Night, and good ol' standard 8 PM services. We try and
accommodate everyone, and I must honestly say that it doesn't always help
our over-all goals to do this. I would rather challenge every service to be
"family night" services. We must be like Jacob and "wrestle" to become
Israel. Try and educate at every opportunity, without becoming the patchwork
quilt service.
3) Use religious school services, or religious school music to talk about
issues like "how to behave in services." Don't wait for the offense to
happen. Let's try and be proactive about this issue and devote part of a
lesson or two to the choreography of a service and how we should act (and
try to feel) during each rubric.
4) Offer families an opportunity to come learn as a family some of the
things I mentioned in #3 above at a special workshop offered on a weekday
evening. It's never easy to get families to come in after a long day of work
and school, but that's why we need to advertise and let them know how really
important this issue is. If weekday evenings are no good, stick to the
Sunday afternoons after religious school. Or... maybe ask your congregants
to come 30 minutes early for a service or two so they can have a short
workshop on prayer for families. Hmmm... I just thought of that one, and I
think I'm going try to do this myself!
5) "Hail Mary..." Please excuse the expression, but if we are forced to
react to a situation, such as a rambunctious child or group of people, than
let's have a few tricks up our sleeves so we're not forced into "punting."
Instead of putting on the brakes in a service because of disruptions, let's
keep the wheels of prayer spinning. Create an "iyun" or short introduction
to a prayer that addresses the beauty of families and family participation.
Fill it with wording that praises families for taking the time to come to
services and pray together, and how special it is when we take the time
(forgive me Doug Cotler) to "listen to our God." Take the Shema concept and
expand upon it. Ask the whole congregation, without singling anyone out, to
"quiet down and listen to the sound of our hearts. Can we hear each other
breathing? The sound of our breath is the true voice of God, for 'God
breathed into us the breath of life.'" You get the picture.

May all of your services be well attended, and full of life.

Cantor Brad Hyman
Temple Sinai of Glendale
1212 N. Pacific Avenue
Glendale, CA 91202
(818) 246-8101 phone
(818) 246-9372 fax
(818) 244-2547 The "Bat Phone"


------------------------ hanashir (at) shamash(dot)org -----------------------+