[HANASHIR:11137] Re: Q about kids vs. kavanah

[David & Susan Esterman <estermans...>]

First, it's wonderful that this family comes as a family - would that were
the case more often!
However, we have had similar problems from time to time, and because our
shul is pretty small it's very easy for distraction to become a real
problem.
We have tried (with some success) at the start of a service with little kids
attending, advising parents of their options should the kids get restless.
We suggest time outside on the swings, or in a classroom with something to
do, or the library. All these areas are right within the shul really so it's
not a problem.
Some parents are not aware that it's actually ok to get up and go out during
a service if that's the best solution.
Sue in NZ

-----Original Message-----
From: owner-hanashir (at) shamash(dot)org [mailto:owner-hanashir (at) 
shamash(dot)org]On
Behalf Of Jennifer Stevens
Sent: Wednesday, 13 March 2002 6:00 a.m.
To: hanashir (at) shamash(dot)org
Subject: [HANASHIR:11135] Re: Q about kids vs. kavanah

I don't know that this is a "good" solution, but it's a tactic which might
work once or twice.  Perhaps try to say something directly to the family
DURING the service.  For example, something like "I'm sorry to interrupt
your family worship experience, but I'm having a hard time following the
service because I can't hear over your children.  Would you mind taking them
to the back/out of the room for a few minutes?" might be effective.  Saying
something after the fact is probably not as effective because then the
parents may not realize just how distracting their children were.

I have seen similar issues in various congregations (mine included), so I
can definitely empathize.  Unless the service is specifically geared towards
families with kids, I don't think it's too inappropriate to say something to
the parents of children whose attention spans are nowhere near long enough
for a full service.

Good luck,
Jennifer


>From: LSalvay (at) aol(dot)com
>Reply-To: hanashir (at) shamash(dot)org
>To: hanashir (at) shamash(dot)org
>Subject: [HANASHIR:11134] Q about kids vs. kavanah
>Date: Tue, 12 Mar 2002 11:42:48 EST
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>From owner-hanashir (at) shamash(dot)org Tue, 12 Mar 2002 08:43:46 -0800
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>I have a question for those of you who lead music at services. Periodically
>you must encounter a situation similar to one we had this past Shabbat: A
>family with 3 young children came to the Renewal (HN-style) Kabbalat
>Shabbat
>service. They seated themselves in the center of the front row of the
>congregation (the 200 or so seats are arranged in a U-shape). We had
>near-capacity attendance that evening.
>
>The youngest of the children, about 4 years old, proceeded to talk at the
>top
>of his voice throughout the entire service -- at times he addressed his
>comments directly to the rabbi, who was standing right in front of him,
>trying to maintain his own composure as he led the service. The other 2
>children, perhaps ages 6 and 8, only had occasional, similarly distracting
>outbursts. The parents made minimal attempts to quiet the children or keep
>them in their seats. Finally, the father did take the youngest child out of
>the room -- but only for a few minutes.
>
>In short, it was extremely difficult to achieve any sort of kavanah during
>the service, because young children with lax parents were the continual
>focus
>of everyone's attention. This same family has attended the service before,
>and always with the same situation resulting. I believe the rabbi has
>privately said something to them about it, but it apparently has had no
>effect.
>
>The question: How do you handle such situations?  And, beyond that, how
>appropriate is it for children to attend such a service, when their
>attention
>spans are short, their behavior is unacceptable, and their parents are
>oblivious? On the one hand, the service should be available to anyone who
>wishes to attend -- on the other hand, the presence of one disruptive
>person
>creates an uncomfortable and unfulfilling experience for everyone else. You
>can ask people to control the behavior of their children -- but what if the
>parents lack any sort of good judgment (as in this case)?
>
>I'd appreciate your thoughts.
>
>Thanks,
>Linda Salvay
>
>
>






"Change is inevitable; Growth is optional"
-Gary S. Insch


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