[HANASHIR:11136] Re: Q about kids vs. kavanah

[Laura Ferguson <allenderL...>]

At 11:59 AM 3/12/2002 -0500, you wrote:
>For example, something like "I'm sorry to interrupt your family worship 
>experience, but I'm having a hard time following the service because I 
>can't hear over your children.  Would you mind taking them to the back/out 
>of the room for a few minutes?" might be effective.

I think this is a really bad idea.  I would guess that if you took this 
approach this family and several others would leave your synagogue forever, 
probably with very bad feelings.  It is possible (and not unlikely) that an 
action like this would turn several of these kids away from Judaism forever.

Bottom line:  It is better to speak to someone privately about their 
misdeeds.

An alternative approach:
Take some time with this family to learn together about being in 
services.  Talk to the parents and the kids.  Listen to them too.  Their 
inattention is probably just misdirected energy.  Give the kids a job to do 
at services, so they feel responsible.

Perhaps, you can catch them before the problem re-occurs, and just before 
the next service, give each child a job to do just before or during 
services.  Ask the younger ones to keep track of how many people 
attend.  Ask the family as a whole to light candles.   Ask them to pass out 
prayer books or songsheets, or walk around with the Torah during the 
service.  If they can sing, include them in leading a song.  Be creative, 
this is an opportunity to engage them in the service, and ultimately, in 
Judaism.  As appropriate, include other kids from the congregation.

Services with kids can be successful, if  1) kids know their role, 2) the 
rules are well established, but comfortable 3) kids start coming when they 
are very young.  If every kid started coming to services before they could 
walk or talk, then you wouldn't have to teach them how to behave later -- 
they would have been taught incrementally without recrimination.

Also, it should be noted, lots of grade school kids don't know what it 
means to pray. They also don't know "how" to pray and they often feel 
squeamish about it.  "Finding your comfort zone with prayer", is a subject 
that could be taught to a whole school.  Even a 4 year old can understand a 
little bit about prayer.

When I taught 4th grade Sunday School, my kids did a scavenger hunt every 
year where they had to find architectural elements within our sanctuary (a 
beautiful structure).  However, the goal of the hunt, pedagogically, was 
not to find the elements, but to help them feel comfortable in the 
sanctuary, so that when they attended High Holiday services with their 
families they would feel welcome.  I was pleased to see lots of my kids a 
HH services for many years to come.

Bottom line, comfort and knowledge will help bring everyone (even these 
kids) towards the kavanah you seek.

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