[HANASHIR:9313] Fw: Do you qualify to sing the Blues?

[Rabbi Richard Schachet <lvrabbi...>]

Rabbi Richard Schachet
Valley Outreach Synagogue
www.valleyoutreach.com
"The past has a vote, not a veto"
 Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan, z'l


Thought some of you would enjoy this, even though it is not about Hebrew
songs.>
> > >  > Subject: Can you sing the blues?  Find out.
> > >  >
> > > See if you qualify to sing the blues.........
> > >
> > >  Blues Check Sheet
> > >  >
> > >  > 1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."
> > >  >
> > >  > 2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you
> > > stick
> > >  something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the
> > > meanest
> > >  face in town."
> > >  >
> > >  > 3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat
> it.
> > > Then
> > >  find something that rhymes...sort of:
> > >  >
> > >  > "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good
> > > woman
> > >  with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and
> she
> > >  weigh 500 pound."
> > >  >
> > >  > 4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck
in
> a
> > >  ditch-ain't no way out.
> > >  >
> > >  > 5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.
Blues
> > > don't
> > >  travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues
> > > transportation
> > >  is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an'
> > > state-sponsored
> > >  motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in
> the
> > >  blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
> > >  >
> > >  > 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet.
> Adults
> > >
> > >  sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get
the
> > >  electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
> > >  >
> > >  > 7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any
> place
> > > in
> > >  Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just
clinical
> > >  depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best
> places
> > > to
> > >  have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get
> > > rain.
> > >  >
> > >  > 8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with
> male
> > >  pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you skiing is not the
> blues.
> > >
> > >  Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.
> > >  >
> > >  > 9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The
> lighting
> > > is
> > >  wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
> > >  >
> > >  > 10. Good places for the Blues:
> > >  > a. highway
> > >  > b. jailhouse
> > >  > c. empty bed
> > >  > d. bottom of a whiskey glass
> > >  >
> > >  > Bad places:
> > >  > a. Dillard's
> > >  > b. gallery openings
> > >  > c. Ivy League institutions
> > >  > d. golf courses
> > >  >
> > >  > 11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less
you
> > > happen
> > >  to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
> > >  >
> > >  > 12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
> > >  >
> > >  > Yes, if:
> > >  > a. you older than dirt
> > >  > b. you blind
> > >  > c. you shot a man in Memphis
> > >  > d. you can't be satisfied
> > >  >
> > >  > No, if:
> > >  > a. you have all your teeth
> > >  > b. you were once blind but now can see
> > >  > c. the man in Memphis lived
> > >  > d. you have a 401K or trust fund
> > >  >
> > >  > 13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck.
Tiger
> > > Woods
> > >  cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got
a
> > > leg
> > >  up on the blues.
> > >  >
> > >  > 14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's
the
> > >  Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
> > >  > a. cheap wine
> > >  > b. whiskey or bourbon
> > >  > c. muddy water
> > >  > d. nasty black coffee
> > >  >
> > >  > The following are NOT Blues beverages:
> > >  > a. Perrier
> > >  > b. Chardonnay
> > >  > c. Snapple
> > >  > d. Slim Fast
> > >  >
> > >  > 15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a
Blues
> > >  death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to
> > > die.
> > >  >
> > >  > So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a
> broken
> > >
> > >  down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis
match
> > > or
> > >  getting liposuction.
> > >  >
> > >  > 16. Some Blues names for women:
> > >  > a. Sadie
> > >  > b. Big Mama
> > >  > c. Bessie
> > >  > d. Fat River Dumpling
> > >  >
> > >  > 17. Some Blues names for men:
> > >  > a. Joe
> > >  > b. Willie
> > >  > c. Little Willie
> > >  > d. Big Willie
> > >  >
> > >  > 18. Women named Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men
> > > they
> > >  shoot in Memphis.
> > >  >
> > >  > 19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
> > >  > a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
> > >  > b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit Lemon,Lime,Kiwi,etc.
> > >  > c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
> > >  >
> > >  > For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple
> > > Kiwi
> > >  > Fillmore, etc. (Well,maybe not "Kiwi.")
> > >  >
> > >  > 20. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, you
> > > cannot
> > >  > sing the blues.
> > >   >>
> > >
> > >
> >
>
>

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