OT: Music funnies

[Lori Cahan-Simon <l_cahan...>]

What's my excuse?  Well...it quotes Gershwin...  ;-)   Enjoy or delete, 
at your will.
Lorele

An old trumpet player to a young trumpet player: "The  good news is
you've got a great technique. The bad news is you've got a great
technique."
       -Bob Barnard

"All I wanted was to be big, to be in show business, and to travel
....and that's what I've been doing all my life."
      -Count Basie

Sir Thomas Beecham, a British conductor, warned his students never to
glance at the trombones. "It will only encourage them," he said.

"Brass bands are all very well in their place, outdoors and several
miles away."
      -Sir Thomas Beecham

"There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start  together and finish
together. The public doesn't give a damn what goes on in between."
      -Sir Thomas Beecham

"It doesn't bother me."
      -Eddie Condon upon first hearing jazz

"The boppers flat their fifths. We consume ours."
      -Eddie Condon

"Ted Lewis could make the clarinet talk. What it said was 'put me back
in the case!'"
      -Eddie Condon

"Finally, Beiderbecke took out a silver cornet. He put it to his lips
and blew a phrase. The sound came out like a girl saying 'yes.'"
      -Eddie Condon

Eddie said of Smith Ballew: "He tried to carry a tune across the street
and broke both his legs.

"I don't like to hear someone put down Dixieland. Those people who say
there's no music but bop are just stupid; it shows how much they don't
know."
      -Miles Davis in Down Beat

"It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing."
      -Duke Ellington

"Gray skies are just clouds passing over."
      -Duke Ellington

"If you get your guitar in tune, send it to me and I'll send you mine."
      -Herb Ellis' ad in the "International Musician"

"True music must repeat the thought and inspirations of  the people and
the time. My people are Americans and my time is today."
      -George Gershwin

"When she started to play, Steinway himself came down and rubbed his
name off the piano."
      -Bob Hope, on comedian Phyllis Diller

"It is from the blues that all that may be called  American music
derives it most distinctive characteristics."
      -James Weldon Johnson

"Muzak goes in one ear, and out some other opening."
       -Anton Kuerti (b. 1939), Austrian-born Canadian pianist

"They said Bird played bebop, but Bird could still  swing. I've heard a
lot of guys play bebop, but they wasn't swinging."
      -Jay McShann

"Only sick music makes money today."
      -Friederich Nietzsche (1844-1900), German philosopher (in 1888)

"Playing jazz for a living sure beats the hell out of  stealing."
      -John Sheridan

John Phillip Sousa's somewhat immortal words: "Jazz  will endure just as
long as people hear it through their feet instead of their brains."

"You get that right tickin' rhythm, man, and its ON!"
      -Fats Waller

"One never knows, do one?"
      -Fats Waller

"Now, everyone look like you're having fun. Only don't have any."
      -Lawrence Welk

"You can't rehearse a blues, darlin'."
      -Joe Williams

"Don't tell my mother I'm in politics; she thinks I play piano in a
whorehouse..."
      -Unknown

"He was suffering from a malignant tuba..."
      -Unknown

"He played like he was in jail, behind a few bars and couldn't find the
key..."
      -Unknown

"He lived a ragtime life, wandering erratically from bar to bar..."
      -Unknown

"Jack Benny played Mendelssohn last night. Mendelssohn  lost..."
      -Unknown



-- 
You can now hear Lori's new CD, Songs My Bubbe Should Have Taught Me; Vol.1: 
Passover, at: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/lcahan Only $15 & postage. Email me for 
more info.
 



---------------------- jewish-music (at) shamash(dot)org ---------------------+