Off Topic: Successful Sideman's Secrets

[Lori Cahan-Simon <l_cahan...>]

I thought you might enjoy this.

>     The secrets of a successful sideman: 
>
>     1. Never recommend anyone who plays better than you.
>
>     2. Always suck up. (Leaders, bartenders, bride and/or groom,
>     management,  etc.)
>
>     3. If you don't know it, play harmony.
>
>     4. Double book, then choose.
>
>     5. Always assume the leader knows nothing.
>
>     6. Always degrade types of music you can't play or know nothing
>     about. 
>
>     7. Always bring your own business cards and solicit during breaks. 
>
>     8. Never play requests (especially if you know it). 
>
>     9. Never smile. 
>
>     10. Always complain. 
>
>     11. Save all high notes for warming up and after engagement. 
>
>     12. Never show up sooner than 30 seconds before an engagement.
>     (One minute if you have equipment to set up.) 
>
>     13. Never leave a book in order. Whenever possible, write on music
>     in ink. 
>
>     14. Always play Trane or Parker licks during fox trots, tangos,
>     waltzes, or anything in D minor. 
>
>     15. Always open spit valves over music. 
>
>     16. If the leader is not sure of a tune, always use substitute
>     changes over his vocals or solos. 
>
>     17. Always worship dead jazz greats.  18. Be negative about
>     anything connected with the job. 
>
>     19. Always bring drinks back to the bandstand. 
>
>     20. When a break is over, always disappear. If this is not
>     possible, make a phone call. 
>
>     21. If you're backing up an act, talk when not playing. If it's a
>     comic, don't laugh. 
>
>     22. Always bum a ride.  23. Always wait until someone else is
>     buying before you get thirsty. 
>
>     24. Never bring your own cigarettes to an engagement. 
>
>     25. Avoid tipping at all cost (waitresses, coatroom, valet, etc.). 
>
>     26. Always ask, "When does the band eat", or "Where's our table"? 
>
>     27. Remember that it's not your gig. Mingle with guests and enjoy
>     yourself.
>