[HANASHIR:1829] Re: So you want to sing the blues - A Guide

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Thanks for the laugh Jessie! Emily

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> From: Red Sea Blue <Jess (at) scocon(dot)demon(dot)co(dot)uk>
> To: hanashir (at) shamash(dot)org
> Subject: [HANASHIR:1828] So you want to sing the blues - A Guide
> Date: Friday, November 20, 1998 12:58 PM
> 
> 
> 1.   Most blues begin "woke up this morning."
> 2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick
> something nasty in the next line.
> 
> I got a good woman- with the meanest dog in town.
> 
> 3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then
> find something that rhymes. Sort of.
> 
> Got a good woman
> with the meanest dog in town.
> He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
> and he weighs about 500 pounds.
> 
> 
> 4.   The blues are not about limitless choice. Blues cars are Chevies and
> Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a
> southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So
> does fixin' to die.
> 
> 5. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood
> means old enough to get the electric chair
> if you shoot a man in Memphis.
> 
> 6. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or
Queens.
> Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St.
> Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.
> 
> 7.   The following colors do not belong in the blues:
> 
> a.   violet
> b.   beige
> c.   mauve
> 
> 8.   You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall, the
lighting
> is wrong.
> 
> 9.  Good places for the Blues:
> 
> a.   the highway
> b.   the jailhouse
> c.   the empty bed
> 
> Bad places:
> 
> a.   Ashrams
> b.   Gallery openings
> c. weekend in the Hamptons
> 
> 10.  No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you
> happen to be an old black man.
> 
> 11.  Do you have the right to sing the blues?
> 
> Yes, if:
> 
> a.   your first name is a southern state, like Georgia
> b.   you shot a man in Memphis.
> c. you can't be satisfied.
> 
> No, if:
> 
> a.   you were once blind but now can see.
> b.   you have a trust fund.
> 
> 12. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbara Streisand can sing the blues.
> 
> 13. If you ask for water and your baby gives you gasoline, it's the
blues.
> Other blues beverages are:
> 
> a.   wine
> b. Irish whiskey
> c: Muddy water
> 
> Blues beverages are NOT:
> 
> a.   Any mixed drink
> b.   Any wine kosher for Passover
> c.   Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
> 
> 14. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death.
> Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the
> electric chair, substance abuse or being denied treatment in an emergency
> room. It is not a blues death, if you die during a liposuction treatment.
> 
> 15.  Some Blues names for Women
> 
> a.   Sadie
> b.   Big Mama
> c.   Bessie
> 
> 16.  Some Blues Names for Men
> 
> a.   Joe
> b.   Willie
> c.   Little Willie
> d.   Lightning
> 
> Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing
the
> blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.