Re:Poetry

[School Councils UK <Jess...>]

     GLAD I'M A MAN
     ==============

     I'm glad I'm a man, you'd better believe
     I don't live off of yoghurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese
     I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts
     I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west
     I don't get wasted after only two beers
     And when I do drink I don't end up in tears
     I won't spend hours deciding what to wear
     I spend five minutes max fixing my hair
     I don't go around checking my reflection
     In everything shiny from every direction
     I don't whine in public and make us leave early
     And when you ask why get all bitter and surly
     I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing
     I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring
     I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back
     I don't carry our differences into the sack
     I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
     Or think every guy out there's trying to steal you
     I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too
     I know what the time is and I know what to do
     And I honestly think its a privilege for me
     To have these two balls and stand when I pee
     I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball
     It's more fun than dealing with women, after all
     I won't cry if you figure out it's not going to work
     I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk
     Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure
     I won't assume it's permanent by any measure
     Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see
     I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery
     I don't get all bitchy every 28 days
     I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise
     I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true
     I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

     GLAD I'M A WOMAN
     ================
     I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am
     I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and spam
     I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
     I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions
     I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
     And I know how to put the damned toilet seat down
     I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
     My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
     And I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch
     Or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch
     I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
     I'm a woman you see - I'm just not that kind
     I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing
     I don't have body hair like shag carpeting
     It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
     When I lean over you can't see three inches of crack
     And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
     I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
     Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
     I'm a woman, you know - I've got far too much pride
     And I honestly think its a privilege for me
     To have these two boobs and squat when I pee
     I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball
     I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
     I won't tell you my wife just does not understand
     Stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
     Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
     Then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep
     Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see
     You can forget all about that old penis envy
     I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks
     Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick
     I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true
     I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!


Hiya all.

I take no responsibility for the origination of these ditties. I just send
them to you with a wry smile. I did note however that the writer did refer
to both genders being glad that they could sing which I think is an insight
for us on this web network.

love

Jess