[HANASHIR:10642] Re: Looking for guidance...

[Gayle and Barry Joseph <4health...>]

Kristin,

You've opened a colorful bag of worms here - many worms that I've been
contending with, but on the "other side", so maybe I can help.  I'm also
responding to the whole list so I can include an apology that I should have
sent out quite awhile ago.

I am just a member at my Temple - I did teach music for the religious school
for a little over a year, but I'm not currently involved in that way.   I
love Jewish music and I love to lead prayer via music - and once in a while
get to do that for both the children's and the adult services, but the later
at the total discretion of the Cantor, which obviously makes sense.  I'm
assuming that you do not have a Cantor, since none was mentioned.

Here is my rub - I spend a lot of time listening to and playing Jewish
Music.  I know what wonderful stuff there is and LOVE to share it with
people.  I've learned a lot and spend as much time as I can at the guitar or
piano praying this beautiful music that I've learned - most of it from many
of you.  I've started my own Rosh Chodesh group so I can at least share
through that avenue, and I do substitute teach/lead now and then.  I've
tried numerous times to get some different music into our Temple - Last year
I offered to put together the music for our Sisterhood Service and wanted to
showcase the music written by women.  I got some great suggestions from all
of you, spent a lot of my own money purchasing music and arrangements, and
really felt like I was going to finally get somewhere.  When I went in with
my proposal - completely researched and all the music together, I was shot
down on all but 2 pieces (both of which are "well known" - just not at our
Temple), and most of the women who originally said they were going to sing
with us were suddenly too busy to give it any time for rehearsals.  ("Why
bother if this is all we're going to do?")  I apologize to those of you who
wanted to see my final list of what we included - It didn't amount to much
and I was so frustrated by the event that I didn't want to offend anyone on
the list with my attitude.

Unfortunately, I still have the same attitude.  I'm considering finding a
new Temple where I can be more involved in music.  We have almost 800
families, and although I have people from the congregation asking me about
it all the time, we have no congregational choir.  When we had a
congregational choir a few years back, all we did was rehearse - after
awhile we realized that we weren't considered good enough by the Cantor for
the Cantor to put us out there on a Friday night and it slowly dissolved.
We are amateurs - not professionals!  Not perfect, but we WANTED to do this
and volunteered to!  (I won't digress about the use of the professional
choir and about how I feel about paying non-Jews to pray our prayers - we'll
save that for some other discussion...)   I've got one more shot coming up
in February as we put together a service for a joint Sisterhood/Men's Club
service entitled "The Harmony of Men and Women Together in Prayer".  I'm not
as naive going into this one - I've set my sights low as to what we can get
the Cantor to buy off on, and I hope we can do something wonderful
musically.  I'm so jealous when I read the postings concerning
congregational choirs, I can't tell you!

One comment that triggered the hairs to stand up on the back of my neck is
"what the congregation is used to".  Yes, I'm very used to what we do at our
Temple.  So used to it that I'm bored silly at services because we sing the
same songs week after week.  I realize that there are people who like that -
it's comfortable for them, but some of us would like a new version once in
awhile for Michamocha or Lecha Dodi.  Ok, I'm being a bit harsh, maybe there
are 2 versions that are used over and over of each prayer, but there are so
many other things that could be incorporated!  Obviously since you are on
this list you are open to adding in some new repertoire, so maybe that isn't
where this kid is coming from, but you may want to talk with him about it.
Why isn't he interested in helping you co-lead services or helping with
Religious School or Choir?  Would he be more apt to do that if he could
choose the melodies that you'd be teaching/leading?  Talk to him about it
and see.

One option you may want to give him, is to songlead at an "alternative"
Service on Saturday mornings.  Maybe a youth service that could be lead
entirely by the youth.  Maybe there are some other teens who really would
like to be involved with finding some readings that speak to them.   That
way you are giving more than just him a voice.   What a great avenue to give
a group of teens - make your own service that speaks to you!  So often I see
that there really is nothing for the kids in this age group, spiritually
speaking.  The little kids have Family Services and Tot Shabbats that speak
to them at their level.  The adults have regular services that may or may
not speak to us, but these kids fall out of the fold so easy after their
Bar/Bat Mitzvahs.  Maybe this is a perfect opportunity to give them
something they need to stay connected to Judaism in their own way - in their
own language.  Maybe you could incorporate it as part of your Hebrew High
School program, if you have one, so that they could have an adult mentor to
help them put together a service for one Saturday a month, or every other
month.

If he's truly an arrogant teen trying to do this just to get up and perform
and show "the world" what he can do, then you have a tough decision to make.
If he truly desires to make a contribution by helping to lead prayer in a
new way - PUT HIM UP THERE!!  I know all too well what it feels like to not
be allowed to make a difference when you desperately want to.

Best of luck - Let us know how things turn out!

B'Shalom,
Gayle Joseph
Frustrated Musical Congregant
(and usually quiet Hanashir Subscriber, but not today...)

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