[HANASHIR:10638] RE: Looking for guidance...

[Steve Greenberg <sig...>]

Hi Kristin,

I'm writing this to you and everyone because I'm interested to see what
others respond, too.

If you want him to be involved in other ways so he can become familiar
(again) with the music and services at your synagogue, and so you'll have an
opportunity to see how he does, then your expectations are legitimate and
sensible.

Once he is familiar and "deemed" okay as a service leader, then it might be
okay to let him decrease his other involvements - but I think he should be
expected to at least attend other services or be involved enough to know
what else is happening at services besides just the ones he leads.

I'm thoroughly disgusted that he refuses to do anything else and that his
parents are threatening to leave if he doesn't get his way.  (I also wonder
if he really refuses to do anything else, or is this really what the parents
want?)  You were hired by the synagogue to fulfill certain needs, maintain
certain customs, while maintaining a certain level of quality.  You're doing
your job!

All this raises more fundamental questions of spirituality, intent, being a
part of a community and following the halacha (including music) of the
community.  Maybe he and/or his parents are only seeing your request as an
affront to his talents -- if it's possible to make sure that they understand
your reasons, maybe that would help.

However, if they have already threatened to leave the synagogue, then I
wonder what others (rabbi and president) have told them or led them to
believe.  At this point, it has very little to do with kavanah and
service-leading and more to do with ego and power.

I'd like to say, "Let 'em leave if they behave this way."  However, from
what I've seen in many synagogues, certain members (especially ones that
contribute a lot of money) wield power and do get their own way when they
threaten to leave.

Anyhow, now I feel like I'm venting.  I look forward to seeing other
responses.

Steve Greenberg
Plymouth, MN

-----Original Message-----
From: Marc and Kristin Stern [mailto:stern (at) netnitco(dot)net]
Sent: Thursday, January 10, 2002 7:32 PM
To: hanashir (at) shamash(dot)org
Subject: [HANASHIR:10636] Looking for guidance...


Hello to everyone..

I hope the New Year (secular) is starting out good for everyone.  I
always lurk here on the list, and enjoy all of your dialogues and
musical suggestions.  Now it's my turn to throw something out here, and
it's a bit of a doosy.  (To me at least!)

I have a problem that relates not to music, but with being music
director.  In our congregation, all musical responsibility is basically
mine.  I lead both Adult and Junior choirs, and teach the music for
Religious School, and lead the music for services on my own at times.
We have a young man, about 14 years old, I think, who has been to camp
for several years in the arts programs, has learned guitar, and led
services there.  He has not been a part of the music of our congregation
for a couple of years.  Now he would like to lead the music at services
by himself.  I have told him and his parents, with the knowledge and
approval of our Rabbi and Temple President, that I would like him to be
involved in the congregation's music program before leading services on
his own.  I offered participation in either choir, even if just
occasional--including helping to accompany with guitar, co-leading
service(s) with me, helping with Religious school music, etc., and then
if an opportunity arrises for him to solo lead in the future, he'd be
prepared and knowledgeable about what the congregation is used to.  I
have been told by his parents that he is not interested in any of this,
he doesn't have the time, and all he wants to do is lead service(s)
entirely by himself.

My feeling is that Temple life should be the nucleus of a Jewish life,
and other activities--camp, day school, youth groups, etc.-- while very
worthwhile, should revolve around that.  Our congregation should benefit
from his learning in a well rounded manner rather than just giving him a
platform to showcase his abilities.  I was told today (by his mother)
that an idea we're working on of an occasional Shabbat morning service
at our congregation was the young man's idea so that he would have a
service at which he could lead the music.  (The Rabbi and President
didn't present it to me in that way at all.)  The family even is
threatening to join a different congregation where his "talents would be
appreciated."

Since I have only been doing Temple music for a few years, and only in
this one congregation, I'm looking to all of you for input.  Am I being
unreasonable to request that this young man be a part of the Temple
music in more ways than just making a splash on his terms?  Do other
campers come back to their congregations and lead services without being
involved in the music in other ways?  What should my expectations be?  I
hate not allowing him to be involved in the music, but I don't feel it's
right for him to not show some sort of commitment.

Thanks for letting me vent, and I look forward to all of your two cents,
two sheckles, two pfennig, tupence or whatever.  If you want to send
your comments privately, my e-mail is stern (at) netnitco(dot)net(dot)

B'shalom,
Kristin Stern
Music Director
Temple Beth-El, Munster, IN


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